Wednesday, January 07, 2009

As you can see.............


My therapist told me I suffer from chronic ennui – but I guess I'm just too tired to figure it all out. I'm supposed to write down my thoughts and feelings – you know, to help me get over my ‘condition'. So, here goes – my attempt at helping myself (sigh...). I just hope it's not too, well, boring.
Love, Ellowyne

previous next

January 2, 2009
The People in My Life
Happy New Year...well, at least I think. I thought I'd start the year off right, and decided to visit Dr. Bantam. I mean, it's been months since my last visit, and I just felt it was time, plus I really feel bad when I ignore her for too long. I mean, she just wants to help me. And guess what? I think it actually made me feel a little better.

On my last visit in October, Dr. Bantam had given me an assignment. She wanted me to write down my thoughts on the most important people in my know, like my mother and father and people like that. "Just something brief, dear," is what she said. But as you can tell, I've been putting it off.

At first I thought it was a pointless exercise, but once I started writing, it was actually interesting and really made me think about those that I love. So diary, here they are – quick thoughts on some of the most influential people in my least so far:

Ellowyne Wilde (me!) – Dr. Bantam is always telling me: "You know Ellowyne, everything always seems to be about you." Well, I've never really thought about it, but she's probably right. I think I'm rather bright, as I achieved excellent grades in high school even though I truly made little attempt to apply myself in any areas of study. I guess the biggest problem I have is I'm always kind of distracted. Dr. Bantam feels it's because I don't see that I have a purpose in life, but I haven't quite figured out if she's right. And in spite of the fact that I have no idea what I want to do with my life, I'm planning to attend Stanford University, with my friend Prudence.

Freddy Wilde – Freddy is my younger brother whom I totally adore. He's got blonde hair, and has always been full of energy; sometimes I think he was just too much for Mother to handle, especially once she got sick. I heard some whispers about him being "not quite right," but I don't believe it – to me he's perfect. He does like setting shoes on fire, but that's just a quirk – really.

Charles Wilde – My Father, whom I love dearly – he's always telling me that I'm the apple of his eye. He is a well-known, extremely talented architect and works for Arthur Stanhope, but I really don't want to think about Arthur. "Only the positive things," said Dr. Bantam. He and my mother met at Briermier Academy – the same school Prudence and I attended. I think it was so romantic.

Beatrice Wilde – My Mother. She was so pretty when she was young, and I always looked up to her when I was little, but as time went on, she became rather distant. I think she became depressed...but I just feel there's something tragic she never told me about. She became more and more depressed and withdrawn, and sometimes stayed in bed for days. If they had only caught it sooner, maybe she'd still be with us... Dr. Bantam thinks that I may be suppressing emotions about my Mother, you know, because she wasn't really able to provide Freddy and me with the guidance, support, nurturing, or affection that we might have liked, but honestly, it wasn't her fault. She did her best...

Emily Wilde – She's my grandmother, my Father's mother, and she's always been larger than life. Grandmother was there for me and Freddy when Mother became ill and really couldn't care for us properly. She was always so adventurous and full of wonderful stories. She met my Grandfather in Paris...can you believe it? Now that I'm grown, Grandmother has left her San Francisco home to me and she's moved to Paris. I love living amongst her beautiful antiques, but I do miss her terribly. Maybe I'll visit her in Paris one day...well, if I ever find the energy.

Prudence Moody – She's my one and only close friend, and she was born on the same day as me. Prudence thinks it was destiny that we became friends, but I'm not so sure. She was in the same class as me from our first day of school until the day we graduated from high school. And we're both going to attend Stanford University together. It's kind of comforting having one person I can rely on. Oh, and Prudence has uncanny insights and special abilities; she just seems to know things – really. Plus she's the only person who can bring an occasional smile to my face. I guess I don't know what I would do without her.

Arthur Stanhope – He's been around our family forever; he was my Grandfather Jack's best friend and business partner – co-owner of the architectural firm Wilde Design Group. And my Father works for him, too. And the worst part, he's Amber's father...which is not a big plus in my book. He makes me feel uncomfortable, but I'm not sure why. After my Grandfather Jack's death he remained close to our family. Why is still a mystery to me...I don't really think Father likes him all that much. And recently, something strange happened when Prudence and I were playing with the Ouiji board, and Arthur's name came up - but that's for another time.

Rufus Rutter – Prudence and I met him at school. He seems kind of sad, but really I think he's just shy. And guess what? He received a full scholarship from Stanford University, so he'll be going to school with us there, too. Dr. Bantam thinks Rufus carries a secret love for me, but really...he barely even speaks to me most of the time. We're just friends.

Sybil – My cat, Sybil, is sweet and gentle with most people - except for me. I don't know why, but with me she's rather selfish, stubborn, whiny, and hateful, yet I feel compelled to take care of her and provide for her as best I can. I mean, considering she's the only pet I've had that hasn't run away must say something positive about her...

Elaine Bantam, PhD – My thereapist. I've known Dr. Bantam forever, and even though I probably don't appreciate her like I should, she is an important part of my life. She's my therapist and has been for the past seven years, and I can tell she is really committed to helping me overcome what she calls my ennui. And I still haven't figured out what she keeps pouring in her tea during our sessions...

Okay, that's all I have the energy for right now. There are other people in my life, but if Dr. Bantam gives me the same assignment later, I'll try to include them, too...well, but only if I feel like it.

Love, Ellowyne