Friday, December 30, 2005


Hummmm, well it wasn't as Merry as I would have liked. LOL Because of gas shortage I couldn't go to my daughters for Christmas,
It wasn't too horrible, Eileen always cooks a ton of stuff, and always good. My cousin Mike, who a muti millionaire gave me a cheap, horrible, necklace...Worth aroud a dollar... oh well, he didn't know I was coming, but then again, Ebinezer Scrooge was a pussy cat compared to him. Eileen gave me some stuff she bought at shore leave...Which was really nice. And my Aunt Harriet promised to send me some money, which is greatly appreciated.

My friend Mary bummed out of all holiday celebrations... Which considering how much fun we usually have, was the worst thing that happened over the holidays.

My friend Steph came up for a few days! That was the highlight of my holiday. We sat and gabbed, for days! I needed that. LOL It was fun, but she had to leave early because of work. "Damned Priests!!!"

Ohhhhhh, but I did a total NO NO! I had half a glass of wine, the kind with sulfur in it to preserve it!!!! BAD MOVE!!!! I was sick as a dog, with racing heartbeat so bad that I almost went to the hospital!!!! Yes, no I realize that since I stopped taking Benadryle, I let my self open to a major allergy attack!! But, I still don't want to start taking Benadryle regular like I was before....So I'll just be SUPER CAREFUL! SULFUR SUCKS BIG TIME!!!!

Well, it was my fault. But it was sooooo funny since we just sat and talked about all the DRAMA our friends put out.... And boom, I'm almost ready to head for the hospital!!!! Thank the goddess I'm not one of those hypocondriacs that think they have everything, just so they get some attention!!!

I had a girlfriend, Chris Walsh, that I knew since childhood. Everything anyone had, she got. Sometimes I think she spent hours on the internet just looking for something she could mimic..... This way she had attention from everyone, even doctors, and she didn't seem happy unless she was sick. I finely had to drop her as a friend. Such selfishness is disgusting after a while. You want to be nice, support her in her time of need...But when you realize it's all a big FAKE, you feel betrayed, and hurt, and disgusted. I felt sorry for her, but I couldn't keep being her friend, it was just too much work. I know this problem is a disease in it self, but it's one the person can control, if they want to, but she just needed that attention...... I guess she figured bad attention, is better then none. She never stopped to think about that I guess

I mention her, because she e-mailed me a few days before christmas, I had her blocked, but she changed her e-mail address and it got thru my block. This WHOLE LETTER ABOUT HER!!!! Not ONCE did she ask how I was, just went on and on about how sick she was, and what the doctors said about it.

Now, this is the girl who told me over 20 yrs ago, that the doctors said she would be in a wheel chair in 2 years or less...... ummmmm, not going to happen, never did. She's actually healthy as a horse! But not in her mind. And mental illness is something that most people can't cope with. I guess I was her only friend left, all the others dropped her after a while...they got smart. Then I finaly reached the end of my pity for her, and dropped her also. So she sits home, and whines, and calls doctors and doesnt' do shit around the house...because she's so sick. Sigh

I'm a good person, love my friends, and value them for what they are...but even I have my limits. LOL

Now, I'm going over Jamie's (my daughter) on New Years Day!!!! (it's the first of the month, which means I have gas money) Yippie, now I can finally see the kids and give them their gifts!!!!! Happy dance!!!!!!

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Sing to Welcome Yule

"Coeis and Morrigant "
(Tune: "Hark the Herald Angels Sing")

Hark the New Age Pagans Sing,
Glory to the Holly King,
Peace on Earth and mercy mild,
God and Goddess reconciled,
Hear us now as we proclaim,
We have risen from the flames,
Our ancient Craft now we reclaim,
In the God and Goddess' names
Hark the New Age Pagans Sing,
Glory to the Holly King!

Herne by highest love adored,
Herne the ever-reborn Lord,
At all times behold Him come,
Offspring of the Holy One,
Veiled in flesh, the Godhead see,
Hail Incarnate Deity!
Our ancient Craft now we reclaim,
in the God and Goddess' names
Hark the New Age Pagans Sing,
Glory to the Holly King!

Ellen Reed
(Tune: "It Came Upon A Midnight Clear")

Ye children all of Mother Earth
join hands and circle around
To celebrate the Solstice night
When our lost Lord is found.
Rejoice, the year has begun again
The Sun blesses skies up above
So share the season together now
In everlasting Love!

Ellen Reed

Snow lies deep upon the Earth
Still our voices warmly sing
Heralding the glorious birth
Of the Child, the Winter King
Glo -- ria!
In excelsis Deo!
Glo -- ria!
In excelsis Dea!

Our triumphant voices claim
Joy and hope and love renewed
And our Lady's glad refrain
Answer winter's solitude
Glo -- ria!
In excelsis Deo!
Glo -- ria!
In excelsis Dea!

In Her arms a holy Child
Promises a glowing Light
Through the winter wind so wild
He proclaims the growing Light.
Glo -- ria!
In excelsis Deo!
Glo -- ria!
In excelsis Dea!

Now the turning of the year
Of the greater Turning sings
Passing age of cold and fear
Soon our golden summer brings.
Glo -- ria!
In excelsis Deo!
Glo -- ria!
In excelsis Dea!

Ellen Reed

Oh, come all ye faithful
Gather round the Yule Fire
Oh, come ye, oh, come ye,
To call the Sun!
Fires within us
Call the Fire above us
O, come, let us invoke Him!
O, come, let us invoke Him!
O, come, let us invoke Him!
Our Lord, the Sun!

Yea, Lord, we greet Thee!
Born again at Yuletide!
Yule fires and candle flames
Are lighted for You!
Come to thy children
Calling for thy blessing!
O, come, let us invoke Him!
O, come, let us invoke Him!
O, come, let us invoke Him!
Our Lord, the Sun!

Ellen Reed

Silent night, Solstice Night
All is calm, all is bright
Nature slumbers in forest and glen
Till in Springtime She wakens again
Sleeping spirits grow strong!
Sleeping spirits grow strong!

Silent night, Solstice night
Silver moon shining bright
Snowfall blankets the slumbering Earth
Yule fires welcome the Sun's rebirth
Hark, the Light is reborn!
Hark, the Light is reborn!

Silent night, Solstice night
Quiet rest till the Light
Turning ever the rolling Wheel
Brings the winter to comfort and heal
Rest your spirit in peace!
Rest your spirit in peace!

Ellen Reed (1st verse)

Brothers, sisters, come to sing
Glory to the new-born King!
Gardens peaceful, forests wild
Celebrate the Winter Child!
Now the time of glowing starts!
Joyful hands and joyful hearts!
Cheer the Yule log as it burns!
For once again the Sun returns!

Brothers, sisters, come and sing!
Glory to the new-born King!
Brothers, sisters, singing come
Glory to the newborn Sun
Through the wind and dark of night
Celebrate the coming light.
Suns glad rays through fear's cold burns
Life through death
the Wheel now turns
Gather round the Yule log and tree
Celebrate Life's mystery
Brothers, sisters, singing come
Glory to the new-born Sun.

"Alexander & Aarcher"

Pagans sing, are you listenin',
Altar's set, candles glisten,
It's a Magickal night, we're having tonight,
Dancing in a Wiccan Wonderland

Blades held high, censer smoking,
God and Goddess, we're invoking,
Through Elements Five, we celebrate life,
Dancing in a Wiccan Wonderland,

Queen of Heaven, is in Her place,
Triple Goddess, now the Crone Face,
Above and Below, She's the Goddess we know,
Dancing in a Wiccan Wonderland

Now the God, is the Provider,
Supplying game for our Fire,
Above and Below, He's the Horned One we know,
Dancing in a Wiccan Wonderland

In a Circle we can light a Yule Fire,
And await the rising of the Sun,
It's the Great Wheel turning for the new year,
loaded with abundance and great fun.

Later on, by the fire,
Cone of Power, gettin' higher
It's a Magickal Night we're having tonight,
Dancing in a Wiccan Wonderland

(God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen)

God rest ye merry, paganfolk,
Let nothing you dismay.
Remember that the Sun returns
Upon this Solstice day.
The growing dark is ending now
And Spring is on its way.
Oh, tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy!
Oh, tidings of comfort and joy.

The Goddess rest ye merry, too,
And keep you safe from harm.
Remember that we live within
The circle of Her arms,
And may Her love give years to come
A very special charm.
Oh, tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy!
Oh, tidings of comfort and joy!

Bad Luck

bad luck is coming, can you feel it?
like the sound of a small dog's nails clacking on a wooden floor
the elusive smell of something bad, that you can't quite pinpoint
Like the dark clouds that could mean rain, or snow
or the cold air creeping under the door way, and around the windows
bad luck comes like that
sneaks up when your sleeping
and settles in on your chest to stay awhile
and you pray that good luck will come
like a ray of sunshine on a rainy day
or the smell of hot chocolate steaming in your cup
when is it coming, why is it here, what will it do?
you never know, and when it hits, you no longer care
for time seems to stand still and good luck seems but a dream
like the ebb of the tides and the changing moons
bad luck never stays for long, and good luck always follows
like a cat purring in your arms, or the kiss of a tiny child
be patient, bad luck will end, and then comes good.
And all the time, bad or good, say to yourself...
The Goddess will Provide
and have faith that she will, in her own time, on her own conditions
but she will. For the Goddess is Hope, Love, and the anticipation
She will come, sit down beside you, and hold your hand, and as any good mother
she will kiss your tears away, and say "it's going to be alright, I promise!"
What more could you ask for?
So accept the bad mixed with the good
and smile away your tears

Thursday, December 15, 2005

The Mermaid

As she slid beneath the waters
Her tail tightly curled.

The mermaid watched in sorrow
the end of the world.

Soft sea's, again, claimed her.
And In her tears, and sorrow deep,
flowed the salt of all the Oceans,
her eyes saw the world weep.

But the mermaid's secret power once again
calmed her sole and let her be.
for in the cold deep ocean
springs the tides of all eternity

Sunday, December 11, 2005


Ouch Ouch Ouch.

Well, my Christmas shopping is all done, but it's going to KILL me. I have a grand total left in my baking account of $10 whole dollars!!!!!

And I still need sugar, catfood, and gas till the end of the month! :(

But, I have two items sold on e-bay which isn't much, just like $20, but every little bit helps, and maybe some other stuff will sell too. "cross your fingers and toe's"

On top of that, I didn't pay 2 bills. Now admittingly, this is the first time EVER that I didn't pay all the I'm not worried, I'll just catch up next month. It feels funny though, I hate not having my bills paid. The two bills together just total $160, so it won't be too bad catching up......hopefully.

And I have no idea how I'm going to go up to Jamie's for Christmas, or down to Mike's to see Aunt Harriet, like I promised.....but I'll figure SOMETHING out. I hear walking is good for you. GIGGLE

But if that house doesn't sell soon, I'm going to SCREAM. LOL


I think maybe I'm going to turn Jehovah Witness...... giggle they don't celebrate Christmas or birthdays or anything ........ so I won't go broke buying gifts!!!!!!! It's just the door to door crap I can't take. LOL

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Special Buddha

This is a very special Buddha. It was in my mother's house, in the living room for as long as I can remember. When she died I scooped it up and brought it home. Here he is ready for the holidays!!!

Friday, December 09, 2005


I always make rum balls for the holidays. This year I can't make them, because the ingrediants are too expencive, but I wanted to share with you. A little hint, use flavored rum when your making these. I use banana rum, chocolate rum.... and so on. Add's a huge hint of flavor

Yum-Rum Balls

Prep: 40 min., Cook: 10 min., Chill: 3 hrs.

1 (14-ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
3 cups semisweet chocolate morsels
3 tablespoons dark rum
1/2 cup chocolate cookie crumbs
1/2 cup powdered sugar

Cook sweetened condensed milk and chocolate morsels in a heavy saucepan over medium heat, stirring often, until chocolate morsels melt.
Remove from heat, and stir in rum. Pour into a lightly greased 8-inch square pan. Cover and chill 3 hours or until firm.

Shape mixture into 1 1/4-inch balls; roll in chocolate cookie crumbs and then in powdered sugar. Place balls in miniature paper baking cups, if desired. Store in an airtight container in the refrigerator up to 1 week.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

What I want

You know, I don't want much.

I want to have a cookie with my coffee in the morning. Oatmeal if possible, chocolate chip is good too.
I want a small place, so I don't have to spend all my time cleaning
I want a cool bedroom, and warm blankets
I want a Hot bathtub, and sweet smelling oils
I want to walk barefoot all year long
I want warm summer, and cooler fall and spring.... But no winter
I want an unending supply of lox and lobsters. You can add some shrimp and other sea food into that.
I want milk that has the cream still on top .... Oh yes, I'm old enough to remember that
I want hot chocolate with whipped cream
I want to sit in a tree reading durning the spring and summer
I want a place to swim, salt water is best
I want hot coffee and tea
I want a sexy black man, for sometime use.....but not full time

I don't want jewels, money or gold. I'm a happy person when things are kept simple. When the phone doesn't ring, when the mailman doesn't have mail for me. When my car works, and I don't


Saturday, December 03, 2005

Christmas Tree's

This year, for the first time in years, I considered getting a REAL Christmas tree. Every one is always bugging me about getting a real tree. Saying how tacky a fake one is ect. And when I was a child we had real tree's in the house. And it WAS wonderful! But I couldn't afford to get a artificial tree this year, so I thought hard about getting a real one..... At least that's what I told everyone, but it wasn't going to happen!!! Thankfully, my friend Mary bought me a fake tree as a gift!!!! THANK YOU MARY!!!!!

I tell everyone that I get a fake tree because of having hot air heat, and how it's not good for real tree's .... But the fact is....... I lie to everyone. I don't feel like getting up on my soapbox during the holidays. I find I can't hurt other peoples traditions.

The fact is, I can't stomach buying a LIVE tree.... Cutting them down, separating them from the earth and their roots.... In effect KILLING them. Just so I can put them in my house, decorate them and then put them out in the cold for the trash after they are dead!!!!!

Now I don't mind putting up wreaths, which are just cut branches of tree's, but the whole tree..... It's very upsetting to see such a wonder, cut, and placed in someone's house for fun. It makes me shudder, and I want to cry every time I see it.

Think of it's long, almost endless life in the wild. Seeing the seasons, the sky, the animals that live in it.... And then being dragged to the curb, dead, dried up, for the garbage man to collect it. I wish people could see it as I do, plant one in your yard in the spring, and go outside and decorate it for Christmas..... But don't cut it down!!!!!

I don't hate people who use real tree's. I'm not that type of person..... Which is why I don't go on about killing a tree for your entertainment...... But when I go into a house where there is a real tree...... I take a few moments to talk to it in my mind.....To apologize for the person who killed it, and to explain that they don't really understand what they did.

Tradition is tradition, and human, animal, and plant sacrifice go back generations and generations. You continue with what you learn, and what you do. But, if anything all I sacrifice is some PVC plastic, and some metal..... And I'm happy.

So, be it tacky, or corney, or whatever you want to call it..... This year, again, as all the others.... I haven't killed anything so that I could enjoy the SMELL of it! But, I will get a wreath and hang it, for the wonderful pine smell that we all enjoy. Other then that, I'll stick to my principals and enjoy my tacky artificial tree. When the lights are on..... All I see is the beauty, and I leave the heartache to others.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Gift giving by Astrologial Birth Signs

The holidays are here again – time to think up some fun gift ideas for your friends and family members. Why not consult the stars this year? Considering the astrological birth signs of those on your gift list is a great way to get your gift-giving in gear!

Aries (March 21- April 19)
Active Aries is always looking for ways to stay in shape, particularly during the holiday season... so athletic equipment is usually a good choice. People born under this sign are also fond of the color red, so a cranberry scarf or a scarlet hat could win their favor. If romance is in the air, let Aries know that you put his or her needs first. Buy tickets for two to a sporting event you loathe... or a CD by an artist you can't stand... to win big points with your favorite Ram.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Taurus appreciates any gift that appeals to his or her sensual side. A box of gourmet chocolates, a richly colored tapestry or a soft cashmere blanket are all great options for Bulls. This sign also enjoys having money to play with, so a gift certificate to their favorite store is a welcome option. Always remember that quality is more important than quantity – Taurus would rather have a small bottle of expensive cologne than a carafe of the cheap stuff.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Quick-witted Geminis enjoys gifts that appeal to their sizable intellects. A challenging book is always welcome, as is a magazine subscription. This sign rules the hands, so some scented hand lotion or a sparkling ring might delight. Geminis also love to entertain, so a set of glassware might fit the bill. If you want to splurge on a special Twin, give them the latest cell phone or PDA, so they can keep in touch with their gazillion friends.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Sentimental Cancer loves gifts that have personal meaning. Handmade items always delight, whether it's a finger painting, angora sweater or mincemeat pie. This sign also has a special affinity for silver – a monogrammed hand mirror or picture frame would be very well received. Since Crabs have an affinity for liquids of all kinds, a special bottle of wine, a fancy cappuccino maker or a shiny tea kettle are also good possibilities. And don't forget that these Moon children love the domestic arts – a cookbook specializing in comfort food is another sure winner.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Lions love gifts that make them look and feel terrific. Hair accessories, cosmetics and grooming items are all good choices for this image-conscious sign. Leos love drama, and enjoy presents that involve a bit of flair. Opera tickets, gold jewelry or animal print lingerie are right up this cat's alley. Leos also love to gamble, so a sheaf of lottery tickets or a weekend getaway to the casino could make them purr with delight. When shopping for clothing, remember that Lions have a special affinity for red, gold and purple.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Virgins love practical avoid dust-catching baubles. A bread-making machine or a power drill would be equally welcome. These folks are also known to pride themselves on their impeccable appearance. Scented soaps, lotions and shampoos made by an earth-friendly company might be just the ticket. Virgos are also incredibly organized and might appreciate a good watch or a leather-bound date book. Or try a health-conscious basket of organic foodstuffs.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Librans have a special affinity for music, and always appreciate a good CD to add to their voluminous collection. If you want to do something really special for a Libran friend, splurge on a two concert tickets – this sign hates to do anything alone. Born beneath the sign of the scales, they also need plenty of balance in their lives, so a pair of candlesticks or bookends might appeal. If you're still stumped for ideas, have a lavish bouquet of red roses delivered accompanied by a loving handwritten note.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
Scorpions are secretive by nature and enjoy gifts that obscure their appearance in some way. A pair of designer sunglasses, a filmy scarf or a slouchy hat are all great choices for this sign. These mystery-lovers also enjoy moody, atmospheric stories. A collection of film noirs on DVD are sure to go over well with your favorite Scorpion. The rumors concerning this sign's sexual appetite are happily true, so seductive lingerie would get plenty of use. Since Scorpions also like to get beneath the surface; a gift certificate for a deep-cleansing facial will be appreciated.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
As far as Archers are concerned, half the fun of getting gifts is ripping them open! If Sag doesn't like a present, though, he or she will tell you outright. Avoid awkward scenes this holiday season by giving this outdoor enthusiast some camping equipment. Hiking boots or a water-proof parka would also be appropriate. These animal lovers adore any gift associated with their pets. A calendar filled with pictures of dogs or horses is sure to elicit a big smile. Finally, you can always feed this sign's wanderlust with a comprehensive atlas.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
Career-oriented Capricorn always enjoys gifts that will boost their job status. A leather laptop carrier or monogrammed briefcase would be welcome. Contrary to popular belief, though, Goats aren't all work and no play. This sign is blessed with a wicked sense of humor, so try the BBC's "The Office" series on DVD. Capricorns also love luxurious presents they'd never buy for themselves, like a silk bathrobe.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
You never know what this unpredictable sign will be doing from moment to moment – one week it's skydiving and the next it's yoga! Still, this quirky sign always appreciates technological gadgets, whether it's an all-region DVD player or an iPod Nano. If you'd like to choose something a little more personal, why not make a photo album detailing all of your exploits with the Water-Bearer? Aquarius may not show it, but they harbor a special fondness for their friends. Still stumped for ideas? A basket filled with brand new socks is both weird and practical enough for this sign, which rules the ankles.

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
These mystics love gifts of all kinds, but especially ones that help them escape the harsh realities of life. A bottle of champagne, a kaleidoscope or a book of fairy tales will appeal to your Fishy friends. And because Pisces is a Water sign, it's a good bet they'll appreciate bath salts, foaming cleansers and shower gels. If you'd like to give something really special, a digital camera will make a bit hit with this natural-born photographer. Looking for a romantic gift? Choose a gilt-edged volume of love poetry.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Yule Information

Yule, (pronounced EWE-elle) is when the dark half of the year relinquishes to the light half. Starting the next morning at sunrise, the sun climbs just a little higher and stays a little longer in the sky each day. Known as Solstice Night, or the longest night of the year, much celebration was to be had as the ancestors awaited the rebirth of the Oak King, the Sun King, the Giver of Life that warmed the frozen Earth and made her to bear forth from seeds protected through the fall and winter in her womb. Bonfires were lit in the fields, and crops and trees were "wassailed" with toasts of spiced cider.

Children were escorted from house to house with gifts of clove spiked apples and oranges which were laid in baskets of evergreen boughs and wheat stalks dusted with flour. The apples and oranges represented the sun, the boughs were symbolic of immortality, the wheat stalks portrayed the harvest, and the flour was accomplishment of triumph, light, and life. Holly, mistletoe, and ivy not only decorated the outside, but also the inside of homes. It was to extend invitation to Nature Sprites to come and join the celebration. A sprig of Holly was kept near the door all year long as a constant invitation for good fortune to pay visit to the residents.

The ceremonial Yule log was the highlight of the festival. In accordance to tradition, the log must either have been harvested from the householder's land, or given as a gift… it must never have been bought. Once dragged into the house and placed in the fireplace it was decorated in seasonal greenery, doused with cider or ale, and dusted with flour before set ablaze be a piece of last years log, (held onto for just this purpose). The log would burn throughout the night, then smolder for 12 days after before being ceremonially put out. Ash is the traditional wood of the Yule log. It is the sacred world tree of the Teutons, known as Yggdrasil. An herb of the Sun, Ash brings light into the hearth at the Solstice.

A different type of Yule log, and perhaps one more suitable for modern practitioners would be the type that is used as a base to hold three candles.
Find a smaller branch of oak or pine, and flatten one side so it sets upright. Drill three holes in the top side to hold red, green, and white (season), green, gold, and black (the Sun God), or white, red, and black (the Great Goddess). Continue to decorate with greenery, red and gold bows, rosebuds, cloves, and dust with flour.

Deities of Yule are all Newborn Gods, Sun Gods, Mother Goddesses, and Triple Goddesses. The best known would be the Dagda, and Brighid, the daughter of the Dagda. Brighid taught the smiths the arts of fire tending and the secrets of metal work. Brighid's flame, like the flame of the new light, pierces the darkness of the spirit and mind, while the Dagda's cauldron assures that Nature will always provide for all the children.

Symbolism of Yule: Rebirth of the Sun, The longest night of the year, The Winter Solstice, Introspect, Planning for the Future.

Symbols of Yule: Yule log, or small Yule log with 3 candles, evergreen boughs or wreaths, holly, mistletoe hung in doorways, gold pillar candles, baskets of clove studded fruit, a simmering pot of wassail, poinsettias, christmas cactus.

Herbs of Yule: bayberry, blessed thistle, evergreen, frankincense holly, laurel, mistletoe, oak, pine, sage, yellow cedar.

Foods of Yule: cookies and caraway cakes soaked in cider, fruits, nuts, pork dishes, turkey, eggnog, ginger tea, spiced cider, wassail, or lamb's wool (ale, sugar, nutmeg, roasted apples).

Incense of Yule: Pine, cedar, bayberry, cinnamon.

Colors of Yule: red, green, gold, white, silver, yellow, orange.

Stones of Yule: rubies, bloodstones, garnets, emeralds, diamonds.

Activities of Yule: caroling, wassailing the trees, burning the Yule log, decorating the Yule tree, exchanging of presents, kissing under the mistletoe, honoring Kriss Kringle the Germanic Pagan God of Yule

Spellworkings of Yule: peace, harmony, love, and increased happiness.

Deities of Yule: Goddesses-Brighid, Isis, Demeter, Gaea, Diana, The Great Mother. Gods-Apollo, Ra, Odin, Lugh, The Oak King, The Horned One, The Green Man,The Divine Child, Mabon

Saturday, November 26, 2005

First thing that happens!!!!!

The tree was up for about 5 seconds when Merlin claimed his spot under it!!!! GIGGLE

Every cat I've ever had always claims a spot under the Christmas tree. One of them, Babaloo, was always moving my mothers Manger set, which she had the nerve to set where he wanted to sit under the tree!!! They fought for YEARS! About it! And I do mean years since Babaloo lived over 15 years.

But it's OK, Merlin can have his spot, I love the nasty little critter. Giggle

I guess your wondering why Christmas decorations??? Well, I was brought up Catholic by my Mom, and Wiccian by my Dad..... And since YULE is on December 21, and Christmas is on the 25...... I celebrate both, with the decorations, and tree, and presents.

YULE is the celebration that the light is returning. The 21st is the longest night of the year. Yule is celebrated that the light returns in the morning..... There is always a chance it will not return. You lit the bonfire's, all the lights in the village, and celebrated till dawn..... Hence you see the crossing of the two celebrations. But no midnight mass for me <<>> But the presents and such are still a big part of the celebration.

So it looks like Christmas, smells like Christmas, and the wrapping paper crinkles like Christmas....But we call it YULE. Hay! Me pass up gifts???? Are you nuts?????

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Thanksgiving Side Dishes by your Sign!!!!!!!

Thanksgiving Side Dishes by Sign
by Sabra Ricci

Thanksgiving is fast approaching — time to plan your feast! Fill your holiday table with gastronomic delights to please the stars... the celestial stars that is. Check the birthdays of everyone on your guest list and then select enticing recipes to match their astrological tastes. The suggestions below take you through all 12 signs of the zodiac. You may find new favorites for yourself, too, and start a fresh tradition!

Aries  (March 21 - April 19)

Steamed Brocolini with Garlic Lemon Butter & Savory Pumpkin Soup
Aries individuals will be starving when they arrive at your door because their forceful, fiery nature burns through food at a rapid rate. These Rams are remarkably gregarious and will be delighted with whatever you choose to quench their hearty appetite. But they do love extravagant foods and pungent spices drive them wild. So serve them Steamed Brocolini with Garlic Lemon Butter and Savory Pumpkin Soup. Champagne will also be a big hit if you have it, but red wine will do nicely.

Taurus  (April 20 - May 20)

Candied Yams & Cranberry Fruit Salad
Taureans make courteous guests with their desire for simple, earthy foods... plus they are not picky eaters. In harmony with nature, determined and masterful, these Bulls have the ability to get along with everyone. Before dinner, you may find them showing off your garden to the guests, as they delight in the beauty nature provides. You can seduce them with voluptuous fruits, sensual delights and full-bodied wines. Include Candied Yams, Cranberry Fruit Salad and plenty of other courses because they like to leave the table satisfied.

Gemini  (May 21 - June 20)

Wild Rice with Cranberries and Pecans & Orange-Pomegranate Relish
Geminis love to be invited to dinner, sometimes more for the social occasion than the food. They are clever, quick-witted... and in their element when surrounded by family and friends. If there is a lull in conversation, don’t worry, with Geminis the banter never stops. The Twins have an intellectual response to food, but can be enticed with exotic ingredients, ethereal tastes and chilled white or sparkling wines. Wild Rice with Cranberries and Pecans, and Orange-Pomegranate Relish have what it takes to pique their curiosity.

Cancer  (June 21 - July 22)

Biscuits & Mashed Yellow Turnips
Warm, nurturing, fun and outgoing, Crabs are an asset to any occasion. Make sure they know how yummy the food will be when you invite them, since the promise of a scrumptious meal will be more alluring than the graciousness of the host. They love foods that are comforting and almost any wine. Provide plenty – these guests have hearty appetites and will not want to miss a course. Tasty biscuits and Mashed Yellow Turnips are two comfort foods that will be greatly appreciated.

Leo  (July 23 - August 22)

Curried Creamed Onions & Spinach Salad with Oranges and Walnuts
Leos enjoy being asked out to eat and are charismatic, fun-loving guests. Grand and luxurious evenings are most appealing. They want to be treated with the respect they feel they deserve, so the overall effect should be spectacular. These proud, self-confident Lions are generous, childish and loving and will be delighted with rich red wine – the best you can afford. For the dramatic tastes Leos will expect, serve Curried Creamed Onions, and Spinach Salad with Oranges and Walnuts.

Virgo  (August 23 - September 22)

Corn Bread Stuffing & Green Bean Casserole
Virgos love an opportunity to be social and they get along with all types of people. Concerned with health and cleanliness, they can be very fussy about their food. But they will also be the ones most likely to stay behind and help clean the kitchen – so be sure to invite them! Virgins are open to new food ideas but they are also down-to-earth and not particularly extravagant, so serve them Corn Bread Stuffing and Green Bean Casserole.

Libra  (September 23 - October 22)

Black Eyed Peas with Sausage & Waldorf Salad
Libras like to keep all their options open so they can go whichever way the wind blows, but if you can get a commitment to your invitation, it will be a very rewarding experience. People and surroundings are important to these charming, romantic and refined natives. The Scales have a burning desire for harmony, are concerned with fair play, and utilize their diplomatic skills to ensure the evening is full of laughter and stimulating conversation. Delight them with interesting dishes like Black Eyed Peas with Sausage and Waldorf Salad.

Scorpio  (October 23 - November 21)

Pecan Stuffing & Fig-Walnut Salad
When you invite passionate Scorpios to dinner, be prepared to serve an excellent meal. They strive for perfection and will expect the same from you. Serve them plenty of rich red wine... and then be prepared, because they will tell you exactly what they think. When they say they loved your meal, you will know it is the truth. Serve them Pecan Stuffing and Fig-Walnut Salad to appeal to their mysterious side.

Sagittarius  (November 22 - December 21)

Macaroni and Cheese with Parmesan Cheese Topping & Sage Gravy
Sagittarians can arrive at your door dripping from a rainstorm and still be enthusiastic and jovial – they have the ability to make the absolute best from any situation. These jokesters of the zodiac will be quite happy to provide the entertainment, as they love to be surrounded by people. They are extravagant and overindulgent, so have plenty of good wine on hand. Macaroni and Cheese with Parmesan Cheese Topping, and Sage Gravy will appeal to their zesty personalities.

Capricorn  (December 22 - January 19)

Collard Greens with Maple Cured Bacon & Roasted Root Vegetables
Workaholic Capricorns can be a challenge to get to your table... so tempt them with mention of the fine foods you will be serving. These guests possess a black sense of humor that can add just the twist your party needs. Caviar and champagne are two Capricorn favorites – but they love all kinds of foods, as long as they are high quality. The mixed, caramelized flavors of Collard Greens with Sweet Onion and Maple Cured Bacon, and Roasted Root Vegetables will satisfy their tastes.

Aquarius  (January 20 - February 18)

Garlic Mashed Potatoes; Baked Acorn Squash
You will want to have at least one Aquarian at any gathering. These unique, futuristic creatures are one of the friendliest, most social signs. Water Bearers are open-minded, unprejudiced and mix well with all kinds of people. Be sure you maintain the discerning eye of the well-organized host, as Aquarians can become so caught up in the social side of the affair, they forget to eat all together. Serving Garlic Mashed Potatoes and Baked Acorn Squash will bring them back to earth. See

Pisces  (February 19 - March 20)

Sweet Potato Biscuits; Southern Oyster Dressing
Pisces love convivial gatherings, so – although the last of the 12 signs – they will most likely be one of the first to accept your invitation. They are natural comedians with just the right mix of mystical, sensitive, inspirational and impractical humor. The Fish will love whatever you provide and can quite easily convince themselves and others that a simple meal is a feast. But you can be sure that Sweet Potato Biscuits and Southern Oyster Dressing will be their special favorites.

Thursday, November 17, 2005


You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
But now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all of the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all on me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that your gone
And though your still with me
I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

Everyone has "Weird" things!!!

Am I alone in this, but doesn't everyone have weird things they have to do, or have to have done? No, I'm not talking kink. I'm talking things like:

1. I can't leave knives out on counters, in the sink is cool, but never on a counter

2. Sissors must always be put away, in a drawer or anywhere as long as they aren't out in the open

3. My bedroom slippers!!! No matter how many times I tell myself that I will take them off, and leave them in the same place everytime.... I'm always hunting around like a nut for them.

4. My bath has to be HOT, I'm not talking warm or just comfortable, I'm talking turning skin red HOT HOT HOT!!

5. I can't take showers. I don't care what people say, it's just fucking uncomfortable to stand up and wash yourself!

6. Oh this is a good one....If I'm watching TV, and leaving the room for a while, like checking my mail on line or something, I have to have the TV on a channel with something I like on.....Or I have to click till I find something before I leave the room.

Not too nutso.... Right?

There's other little things. Like,
I can't wait more then say 15 minutes in the morning, before I go and make my bed. Nice and neat and tidy.

Yet, my sofa cushions are the repository for all paper and scraps of paper like wrappers ects. (Once a month I clean under the cushions and get rid of it all....But why can't I walk to the garbage can??)

Oh and my bathroom has to be CLEAN. Nice, spotless, perfect...... I don't care what your bathroom is like, and I'll use any bathroom, even porta pottys, but MY bathroom has to be clean.

And the list goes on......
when I do laundry they have to be dried and put away right away. No leaving the stuff in piles or in the laundry basket. Not gonna happen

And as Mary knows, don't fuck with the pillows on my sofa. You may use them, and move them, but when your done....Put the damn things back like I had them!!!! Mary messes with me, and moves them, an then sits and waits to see how long I can last before I have to rearrange them! BAD GIRL

Same thing with hotel rooms, EVERYTHING gets put away, and suitcase's in the CLOSET! I can't STAND CLUTTER!

But then again....Don't expect to be able to sit in my car, unless I first move all the shit off the seat and floor.....Car is always messy and dirty. <>

See, I'm a total paradox! Clean to the point of being obsessive with some things, like my house etc. Yet a total mess with others....

Oh I forgot to mention, my house is SPOTLESS, clean, clean, clean....But don't look in my dresser drawers (folding? What's folding?) Though my closet tends to be nicer, since I clean it out just about every week. And if you value your life, Never look in my kitchen cabinets!!!!! Nothing is ever in any order, and if you open the door too fast, all kinds of pots and pans will fall out.... Yet my counters, stove and surfaces are always washed and spotless. I think I need help! GIGGLE

Tuesday, November 15, 2005


Preserving Herbs
The shelf life of many herbs is one to two years but this period is shorter when herbs are exposed to light, heat and open air. Herb leaves keep their flavor best when they are stored whole and crushed just before use. When herb seeds are to be used for cooking, the seeds should be stored whole and ground up as needed.

Bag Drying
To prepare plants for drying, remove blossoms from the herb plant and rinse the leaves on the stem in cold water to remove soil. Allow plants to drain on absorbent towels until dry. Then place the herbs in a paper bag and tie the stems. Leave 1 to 2 inches of the stems exposed. This allows the plant oil to flow from the stems to the leaves. Place the bag in a warm, dry location. In about one to two weeks, when the leaves become brittle, tap them free of the stems and the leaves will fall into the bag. Store leaves in an airtight container away from the light.

Tray Drying
Clean herbs as for bag drying but the heavy stalks can be discarded. Put the leafed stems one layer deep on a tray in a dark, ventilated room. Turn over the herbs occasionally for uniform drying. The leaves are ready for storage when they are dry and the stems are tough.

Microwave Drying

If you have a microwave oven, you can use it to dry herbs. Place the herbs between paper towels and set them on the rack. Close the door and turn the oven on a medium setting for about 2-3 minutes. Then check for dryness; the leaves should feel brittle and should crumble easily. If they are not done, turn the oven on for 30 seconds longer. Although this process actually cooks the herbs, the end product is just about the same as air drying. Store the dried herbs in closed containers.

Freezing Flavor
Herbs may also be frozen. Rinse herbs in cold water and blanch in boiling, unsalted water for 50 seconds. Cool quickly in ice water, package and freeze. Dill, parsley, chives and basil can be frozen without blanching.

Rosemary (Rosmarinus officinalis) is widely used as a culinary herb, especially in Mediterranean dishes, and is also used as a fragrant additive in soaps and other cosmetics. Traditionally, rosemary has been used by herbalists to improve memory, relieve muscle pain and spasm, stimulate hair growth, and support the circulatory and nervous systems. It is also believed to affect the menstrual cycle, act as an abortifacient (inducing miscarriage), relieve menstrual cramps, increase urine flow, and reduce kidney pain (for example, from kidney stones). Recently, rosemary has been the object of laboratory and animal studies investigating its potential in the prevention of cancer and its antibacterial properties.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Things to do with nothing

I have nothing to say today. I'm board, and not ammused. LOL But I did wrap christmas gifts today, at least I got something done. giggle

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Fall Herbs

Now is a good time to clean up and dry and preserve those herbs you've been growing all summer.

Chop all your chives into small pieces and you can freeze them in a baggy. When you have need for them, just reach in and use them! Chives can be dried also, but they are much better just sitting fresh in the freezer

Parsley, you should cut it, put it in a bunch, then tie a string around the stems and hang them upside down to dry,(in front of a sunny window is best) but you can also put them in a dry cool corner of the house to dry out, it's slower, but works just as well. Then put in a jar, and use it all year round.
Most herbs (such as peppermint, lavender, and other wood stem herbs) can be dried this way, make sure you hang them stem side up, so they dry properly. When dried, just crumble and place in a jar.

I like to dry lavender that way, then just put the dried bunch into my linen closet or my drawers, to leave a wonderful scent all winter and into the next summer.

Now, if you have pets, and like to put Mum's out in the yard in the fall.....When it starts to freeze at night, or the Mum's just start dyeing, cut the flowers off and either spread them out on a baking sheet, and let them dry. Or you can place them on a baking sheet, in a 200 degree oven (WITH THE DOOR LEFT OPEN) and dry them that way. When dry store in a closed jar.

If you have a problem with flea's, just sprinkle the dried Mum's under the cushions of your furniture, and under the furniture, and sprinkle some on the rug, and vacuum it up..... Leaving them in your vacuum bag or canister.

Mums kill FLEA'S!!!! Sprinkled under the cushions and under the furniture itself, it will kill all flea's in your house, and keep it that way. You may have to add more dried Mums in the spring, this way you can be sure to get any hatching from eggs that may have survived the initial sprinkling.

Also you can sprinkle the dried Mum flowers around your planters or flower beds outdoors in the summer, it will keep most bugs away from your flowers and vegetables.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Stupid People

You know it amazes me how incredibly stupid some people can be. I don't mean IQ stupid, since most of the people I know are high on that scale, I mean normal stupid..... Like everyday life.

I have one friend that will fall for any phone scam she gets. Like she bought about $1,000 dollars worth of vitamin's, because they told her she won a hot tub. Well she got the "hot tub", it was a blow up one (yes like an inner tube) and the only way it was "Hot" was if you added the hot water yourself, of and of course no jets or anything. LOL then she allowed them to talk her into ordering MORE, with the promise of a big screen TV. Which turned out to be a LARGE magnifying glass that you held up to the TV. Or the time she ordered a security system for her home, but she didn't have the money to have the sensors put on the glass, just on the door itself, so she decided to leave the doors UNLOCKED!! This way a robber wouldn't be temped to "break the glass" which of course wouldn't set off the alarm. HOW CAN YOU LEAVE A DOOR UNLOCKED TO PREVENT A ROBBER FROM BREAKING THE GLASS ON THE DOOR????? Of course, both times I told her it was a scam and not to do it....But for some reason people don't PAY ATTENTION to me...... And then they get mad because I was right.

My hubby did that too. I would tell him something, he wouldn't take my advice, AND THEN WOULD be pissed off because I was right!!!! I have this intuition, esp, or just plain skill in seeing the outcome of things, and knowing what the right course should be...... Of course this only counts towards others, it doesn't work when I try it. LOL But, no one believes me, even though I've proved it time after time after time.

I give advice, like DON'T SPENT THAT MONEY, or DON'T GO ON THAT TRIP, or DON'T LEAVE YOUR JOB, or just things like DON'T BUY THAT HOUSE...... And I don't push it, but I let them know what's going to happen.... And they ignore me...... And then I'm NOT allowed to say I told you so, because they are pissed that I was right.

I love my friends, I try to tell them what going on so that I don't have to hear them harp for years about how they fucked up! But, I'm almost always right!!!!!! Even my hubby admitted that, but he still wouldn't do as I said!!!! Because he was pissed that I was always right....Does that make any sense at all?????

I bought 3 house's by myself. After my hubby died. I didn't do the normal things your supposed to do when buying a house, like, I didn't sell mine till I found a new one. I refused to put more then $500 dollars down to hold the house, and I always had a condition for sale, that If I didn't sell my house, I didn't have to go thru the sale of the new one.

Now, everyone tells me THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!!! Why???? I did it, why should it be impossible. Have a closing, on both house's the SAME DAY!!! No that's impossible!!! But I did it 3 TIMES!!!! Once, my lawyer paid the money for the new house himself, out of his own bank account, till the check came in a few days later, just so I could close on BOTH house's at the same time!!!!!! How do I do it??? I have no fucking idea. LOL I even managed to get a mortgage on my second house..... AND I DIDN'T HAVE A JOB!!!!! Now tell me how that works. I just say, this is what I'm gonna do, do what you have to to make it work, and they do it.

Even after all that, I tell a friend..... Don't spend the money till you know how much you have to pay out..... And she spends it anyway!!!!! Then I'll have to hear her rant and rave about how she SHOULDN'T have done that, how she shouldn't have trusted the women who told her she wouldn't need all that money.... And so on and so on and so on!!!!!! Well this is for all my friends....Since I know they don't read this, but It will make me feel MUCH BETTER!!!!


Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Frowning Now!!! :(

OK, now I'm totally pissed. Even though the house isn't repaired yet, and not even up for sale, I had decided that with some of the money I would go do what I always wanted to do.....Go to Europe.

As you remember from an earlier post

Well, I have been looking, and even stopped over to a travel agency to check it out.
And thanked her for the info, but before I left she said "Oh wait, here's the list of shots you need to go to those country's" FUCK FUCK FUCK

Let me tell you a little about immunization. They take a live virus and inject it into a sterile egg. Usually a hen's egg, where the virus grows and matures and then they take it out, dilute it, and there you go........... One immunization.


I knew I could never get a flu shot, or a tetnis shot or any of those things, but it just totally slipped my mind that there are other types of shots I would need to cross the sea..... And I can't take even one of them....That is without DYING!!!!

So that's one dream down the drain, guess I'll have to do some thinking and come up with something else. Hummmmm Mexico sounded nice, not Paris, but nice. FUCK

Friday, October 28, 2005


Hay, I don't want to scare anyone, heaven forbid that that happens, but do any of you know HOW MANY DAYS LEFT TO CHRISTMAS (or Yule, as we call it)!!!!!

I DO......58.....YES 58!!!!! Now I'm fucking panicking. I have NO money, and tons of people to buy gift for..... Including 3 grandchildren. AND I HAVE NO MONEY!!!!! ARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Is it to late to turn Jewish?????

Ok, well I did manage to do some shopping before, like starting last January. And I have almost everyone's, but it's all small shit this year, because I'm broke. I'll have mucho money after they sell my Mom's house, but so far they haven't even started fixing it, let alone putting it up for sale. So I'm broke, broke, broke.

I'm talking $20 or less each much after paying bills. And the gas to drive my son back and forth to collage costs tons and tons of money. So far e-bay sales, and blind faith have managed to get me thru the months.

Oh I have plenty to pay the bills, that's not a problem, the problem is having any money left over after I pay the bills!!!!!! LOL

It's times like this I say to myself...."I wish I could get married again so someone would support me." And then I slap my own face and scream at myself till I'm feeling better. GIGGLE Having someone support me means I have to put up with a MAN again, and I just don't have the patience to do that any more. GIGGLE

Oh well, but I figured that if I was panicking, it's time for ALL OF YOU TO PANIC!!! I can't be alone in this. GIGGLE

Monday, October 24, 2005


Ahhhh Isn't this the life. We have had rain just about forever, and tonight they are saying it's going to get waaaaay worse as a no'easter blows in to our town. That means high winds, lots of rain, power outages..... All that good stuff. You know, the type of thing where you watch your garbage cans float down the road and off into the sunset. LOL Well, living in NJ I'm sorta used to there things. This is what I do.

1. Fill the bathtub with cold water. I can't abide not being able to flush the toilet, and when power goes out, most of the time the pump that fills the tank with water goes too.... So a bathtub is good to refill the tank so you can flush, plus it water for drinking

2. Thank the Goddess that I have GAS HEAT. Gas is cool. If the power goes off, you can light the stove with a match. And cook, even when all others are eating cold shit. Plus you can light the oven with a match.... And leave the door open to give yourself some heat. Nice if the storm hits in winter and you have no electricity. This is why I always get gas heat and appliances in the house. Great for emergency's.

3. Get all the candles ready, spread them around the house, make sure they aren't on or by any thing that can be set on fire. Keep your lighter in your pocket. Most of the time in the dark you can find your candles...But your lighter is too small to see

4. Make sure all your door and windows are closed, so no rain or wind whips in. Including your storm doors, which have a habit of being ripped off their hinges

5. Make sure there is nothing in your yard that can become airborne and smash into something. I love cast iron patio furniture, it doesn't move an inch in bad weather.

6. And then settle in, make a cup of tea, try not to jump everything it sounds like your roof is ripping off, and enjoy.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Fall recipe reminders

Since fall is here I thought I would reprint some of the recipe's for SAMHAIN. Plus have to tell you the Mead is coming along wonderfully. I'm going to do what my daughter suggested, and add it to fresh cider for a wonderful taste.

1 3/4 C. Oatmeal
1/4 tsp. Baking powder
1/2 tsp. Salt
1/2 tsp. Cream of tartar
1/2 tsp. Cinnamon
7 Tsp. Sugar
1 1/2 tablespoons melted butter
7 tsp. Hot water
Combine the oatmeal, baking powder, salt, cream of tartar, cinn. and sugar in a bowl. Stir in the melted butter and then add the hot water, one spoon at a time, stir good with each addition until mixture becomes smooth, but firm paste. Roll it into a ball, sprinkle with extra oatmeal, then roll it out on a board. Cut out with cookie cutters or just use a glass. Bake at 350 degrees fro 15 minutes. Done!

2 quarts apple cider
1/2 tsp. Cinnamon
1/2 tsp. Nutmeg
1/4 tsp. Ginger
1/2 cups confectioners sugar
after heating
add 1/2 cup (or so, according to taste) apricot brandy.
Now you SLOWLY simmer on LOW HEAT for a while. DON'T LET IT BOIL. Then add the brandy. YUMMMMMY

Exercise by your birth sign!!!!!!!!!!

Each sign rules a different part of the body, so certain exercises work better for each one. Here's how to take your sign into consideration when designing your exercise program.
Consider your astrological element – Should you be exercising in water (water sign) or do you need the wind on your face (air sign)? If you're a fire sign you should literally heat yourself up – as in sweat – and if you're an earth sign, you accomplish miracles by exercising outdoors.

Be aware of your body's "weakest link" (each sign has one) and work to protect it.

Choose exercises that are interesting and stimulating to your sign, so you'll stick with them!

Aries – Drink a ton of water. As a fire sign, you burn through liquids – so you need more than the average person. Exercise vigorously and work up an awesome sweat. Take long hikes or climbs, go running or swim outside in nature. You need variety and interest, preferably outdoors.

Taurus – You have a slow metabolism, so vigorous gardening is a natural for you… but you might also want to try a dance class to indulge your brilliant sense of rhythm. Whatever you choose, you need regular classes and a simple exercise regimen. Your throat is your weak link – don't put anything fried down it.

Gemini – You run on your nerves so relaxation is a necessity. Yoga will completely change your life. Gemini's weak link is the lungs so make sure you practice deep breathing. Exercise had better be entertaining or it won't hold your interest for long.

Cancer – You need exercise that can be done at home. Invest in a few weights and exercise tapes. Because you are ruled by water, swimming is also excellent for you – particularly the breast stroke. (Cancer rules the breasts.) Tummy toners are also a must – to help offset your weakness for sweets.

Leo – Whatever shows off your glamorous body is great exercise for you. You have tons of energy and are a brilliant dancer… but remember to take your catnaps to enhance your natural beauty (lions sleep twenty hours a day!). Your weak link is your heart… and its disappointments. Both aerobic exercise and rest will help protect that Leo heart of yours.

Virgo – Long walks every day are the perfect exercise for you. Stop your overactive mind at least twice a day with relaxation or meditation… and every few months, a long break is an absolute must for you. The best Virgo sport is swimming with specific, detail-oriented and structured exercise regimens.

Libra – Respect the ups and downs of your energy levels. In the mornings you need mild exercise… especially back stretches to strengthen your lower back. Evenings are best for dance and aerobics. Fatigue and tiredness come from too many carbs and not enough water. Drink more pure water!

Scorpio – You crave grueling and challenging obstacle courses for your morning exercise… easily completing what most signs can't even begin. This makes you the marathon champion Just be careful not to use your fitness challenges to hide from your feelings – that could cause you health troubles. Go high fiber, low fat and lots of water.

Sagittarius – The best sports for you are running, walking, horseback riding, tennis and archery. You can literally become sick if you don't exercise enough, and the same goes for deep breathing. Your sign rules exhaled breath and may cause you to breathe shallowly. So say "yes" to yoga!

Capricorn – Nothing strenuous, dear Goat, as your sign makes your knees the weakest link. Instead of running, try gentle walking, swimming or horseback riding. You are a natural climber, and as long as you don't overdo it – especially in the sun – you will always reach the top.

Aquarius – You do best with unusual outdoor exercise such as surfing, scuba diving, gliding or parachuting. Also, exercise that allows you to express yourself – like aerobic dance – is a must. Whenever you have to exercise in a gym, make sure you have music to motivate you. Aquarius rules circulation, so get yours moving.

Pisces – As the most watery of the water signs you need to be careful of water retention and bloating. Ironically, spending as much time in water as you can – swimming, even bathing – prevents this. Drink water, not soda; don't miss your sleep; be careful with your feet and do try Tai Chi!

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Rain, Rain, Everywhere!!!!!

It's like living in Seattle!!!! We've had constant rain for almost a week now. Not just drizzle, but pouring rain! And I love it!!!! You know why?

Well, I've lived in a lot of house's. My first house had a basement that flooded. We had to put eveything up on blocks to stop the rain from getting it. Even the furnace was on blocks. But, we thought we were smart, and had a company come in and water proof the basement. Days of digging, pipe laying, an such, and you know what. It didn't do a fucking bit of good!!!! Soon as it rained it flooded again, maybe not as much, but there was still water down there.

For those of you with a dry basement, you have know idea the hours and hours you can spend mopping, and pumping and doing all you can do to save your stuff and nothing works.

The second house, it was a bi-level, so it didn't have a basement, and we built it so we put in French drains around the house, so no water. But the property flooded like nuts. We were down the mountain, with a pond. So when it rained the water flowed down the mountain, into our pond, and down in to the woods. It was like a raging river on rainy days, but... Nothing in the house. Yuppie.

The next house had a wet basement again. But it was mainly fixable. The one gutter in the front of the house would come apart and rain water would fill the basement. So as long as that gutter didn't come apart, no water. But it always came apart!!!! We screwed it, glued it, and prayed over it, but the wind would whip up, and the basement would take on water. Sigh

The next house had 2 sump pumps down the basement. One on either side of the room. Now you would think that with 2 sump pumps we would be safe.... And they worked rather well, for a while. Then they would become overwhelmed, and again, water in the basement. Sigh By now, I'm fucking tired of being wet, mopping, and freaking out every time it rained. What should be a soothing sound of rain on the roof, would make us go nuts since we knew it would be in the house in a few hours.

Well, this time I fucking took care of the problem. I bought a Mobil home!!!! NO FREAKING BASEMENT!!!! No running up and down the stairs to start the sump pump, no mopping for hours and hours. No wet smell constantly!!!! It's fantastic!!!!

But then my friends call, and I have to hear all about the creeping water in their basements, I feel terrible.... But happy at the same time that it isn't me! Now, of course, I feel guilty that I feel good, LOL

But for the first time in my life, I'm sitting down with a cup of tea, and a book and looking out the window to the rain, and smiling!!!! Yep, smiling. Sighing in contentment, loving the sound of the rain on the roof, and just being happy.

But enough is enough. It's been a week. My clothing feels wet from the humidity, and my car feels wet, and the air is thick and saturated. Enough now!!!! Thank you

Rain, rain go away
come again some other day.
If our basement is wet and sticky
it will make us all quite sickey
so dry up and go away
rain on someone else's house today!!!!

Sunday, October 09, 2005







Things go wrong, this we know
but with age, we all shall grow
reverse it now, bad luck be gone.
Bring back good luck to this sorry one.
In the past mistakes are made
I correct them in this age.
As the salt devolves here in
so bad becomes good again!

As I will so mote it be
As I will so mote it be
As I will so mote it be

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Fall making of Mead

I'm making some Mead. For those of you who don't know what it is, it's a type of....Well not a wine, more like a hard liquor made from honey. It's so easy to do, and makes a yummy fall drink.

First you get a jug, or glass container. A nice large one with a cork or screw cap. 1. Wash the jug with hot soapy water and drain till dry.
2. Then you add from 1 pint to a full pound of honey. How much you want to add is up to you, the more honey the sweeter it is.
3. Place the honey in the jug, and add hot water to fill the jug.
4. Mix the honey with the water till it is liquid
5. Place the jug in your sink....Believe me you will have to do this, for at least the first few hours since it will bubble up and make a mess if you don't. (after it stops bubbling over the top, you can place it on the cabinet to do the rest)
6. Add one packet of dry yeast

and sit back and watch. LOL

After it stops foaming over the top of the bottle. Wipe down the bottle, and place a straw in the bottle, not touching the liquid, but above it, and tape the lid of the jug closed around the straw.

This allows bubbles and gas to escape, but prevents air from getting in and turning it all into vinegar.

It will bubble furiously for a few days, when the bubbling has seemed to calm down a lot, cork it, or close the top, and let it sit for 2 weeks. Then it's ready to drink

Add a shot to your tea, or drink it straight up. Yummy, tastes like fall!!!!

Saturday, October 01, 2005

What does your original face look like?

Have you ever thought of that? Have you ever looked in a mirror, and said, this isn't me....Who am I? I've said that before. This isn't me. My past lives sometimes come to the surface, and the one I see in the mirror, isn't who I am In my head.

I know, once long ago, I was a nun. In a mountain land, in a high castle like structure. I had on gray robes with pink aprons and caps. I remember walking the empty room high in the castle walls and looking out over the snow capped mountains, and feeling like I was in some kind of trouble. But I couldn't see my face. The walls were unadorned, no mirrors. But what did I think I looked like, that isn't clear either.

that's the only past life I have any clear picture of. I believe once I was shot, with an arrow or bullet, in my right upper breast. I think it was an arrow, and the spot still hurts me at times. I also remember being by a huge stone wall and by the beach and the water lifting up, and coming over me and then nothing. The wave was HUGE. I do remember that, and though I was far from the water, it still came up and over me. I remember trying to hold my breath, but to no avail. I do remember the beach was not like the ones I know now, but lots of rocks and dirt, not sand. Black rocks.... Almost like lava rocks.

I also remember making my way thru a town that had been destroyed. Crawling thru houses and basements that looked like a bomb had destroyed them. An elevator that seemed to burst thru the roof of a building, but I knew it was that the building was falling. And I remember Micheal. My baby, and how they took him from me, to get him to safety, and I stayed because I couldn't move, and I knew I would not survive. And I remember how I cried so much because he was going and I would never see his sweet face again.

Sometimes bits and pieces come back. A checkaboard floor, black and white. A flickering fluorescent light over a center island in a kitchen that was a crome and stainless steal. Knowing as I stood there that someone terrible was coming for me. The fear, and at the same time, the understanding that It was what it was, and that running was not an option.

I remember a cave also. Warm and dark. How in the morning the mists came into the cave low to the floor. And how I was always afraid that snakes were in the mist, but I had to go out and take the sheep to the hills to eat.

I remember a man, who would flick a lighter, and in the flames he became someone else, someone horrible, and I would hide, In cabinets and such, so that he wouldn't find me. Almost like he had some kind of split personality, and the sight of fire would drive him mad

And I remember this life, which was nice, happy, warm and sweet. One of the best childhoods kid could ask for! And I enjoyed my childhood with a relish for life that could only mean that my last lives were horrible. I remember thinking that food was fantastic, and I would never be hungry again.... And books, lovely books, to read and live in. An TV how fantastic to see story's come to life right in front of me. And being happy, very happy. To laugh in the sun, and feel one with the earth.

Are past lives possible? Yes I firmly believe that. And though I don't know what awaits me in the next, happiness, fear, hunger, love, I anticipate it, and wait for it, and look forward to it. What wonders will I see? What people will I love? What pain would I suffer? Does it matter? No, for just living life is the biggest wonder of them all.

Maybe that's the answer to what did my original face look like, it looked like many other people, men and women, child and slave. Does it matter what your face looked like now or then, when the wonders you have seen and lived are all that really matter?

Come good or bad, I'm ready. And with each life I will bring something from my old life, a wish, a longing, and sadness....But what does it matter. For your face is only your face to the people who see you.


Can someone tell me what it is about the heat going on that drives my cat into complete panic!!!!!! The air conditioner has been on all summer, and I can't tell the difference in the sound of the heat or air conditioner...But let me tell you MY FUCKING CAT CAN!!!!

I turned the heat on for the first time this fall, just to check it out. And he preceded to run around the house making the most god offial sound. Not a meow, but more of a call....... Like he was in pain or something. Only after the heat went off did he calm down. Jeeze!

This goes on every fall when the heat first goes on. I know I have forced hot air, and it does smell funny when the heat comes on for the fist time....But he's a total spazzzzz case. LOL

Well, last time it took a full day for him to get used to it, so I guess it will this time also.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Fall is here!!!! Tra La, Tra La

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Interesting bit on the news

Wed Sep 28,10:04 AM ET

AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Dutch tax authorities have allowed a woman to deduct the 2,210 euros it cost her to take a one-year course in witchcraft, an inland revenue official said Wednesday.

The 39-year actress and artist learned how to use crystal balls and prepare herbs, and also spells and other witchcraft skills at the course held in the country's northwest.

"The woman used the training in order to start ... giving workshops, so she used it to extend her professional knowledge," the tax official told Reuters.

Margarita Roland, who gave the course and whose Web site ( ) shows her with a broomstick and pointed hat, said she teaches apprentices all they need to know to become a witch, using magic as a force for good.

"A witch is a wise woman or man who knows about the magic of life in general and the magic of the earth in particular," said Roland, known as the "witch of Appelscha" after her home town.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Fall is here!!!!

You see, I love to take HOT, HOT, HOT, baths. In the summer,even with the air conditioner cranked up....It just isn't possible. The tub has to be cool, the water hot as hell, and when you get out of the tub, the air has to be cool.

Today for the first time in Months, and months the temperature stayed below 70, there was a chill breeze blowing, and it was absolutely wonderful!!

I filled up the tub with the hottest water I could, dumped in a whole box of salt, and a little lavender oil, and soaked for at least an hour.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm all sweet smelling, relaxed, and the salt has cleaned my aura wonderfully!!!!

I miss this sooooo much during the summer. I love to have a cold, cold day, and a hot, hot soak. Giggle

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

And BOY is this one true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My girlfriend Mary sent me these................

Sunday, September 18, 2005

It's getting scary!!

OK, so life is getting really spooky lately.

My son Matt decided to go back to school......5 yrs. After he dropped out of high school. Not only that, but he's enrolled in collage (did you know you didn't need a High School diploma if you enroll in collage after a certain age????)

I didn't know that...But you don't. Fancy that. So, He enrolled in collage, and it gets spookier..... And he got FULL financial Aid. Not loans, but all FREE, he NEVER has to pay it back!!!!!! He even wound up with about $800 extra, that they give him in cash for lunches, gas, and such. And that's just for this semester. It happens every semester!!!!!!

Ok, I'm still in shock about the school thing. Matt is close to being a genius, but he hated High School, and just said "Fuck it" and dropped out.

On top of that, he going for a major in Physics!!!!!!!

Now I have to drive him back and forth to school every day, including Saturday, since he doesn't drive. My luck the gas prices went up the wazzo, but hay, you got to expect something like that when it happens to me.

So he sat down and BUDGETED!!!! For those of you who have no clue, this is a boy who would spend all his money in about 20 seconds!! Even the few times he worked, his pay never lasted till the end of the week.

He budgeted money for my gas, his lunches, ect. I'm stunned

Now he goes to school Monday thru Saturday. On Sunday his only day off all week, HE WENT TO WORK!! Not only that, but since he gets paid after each job (and for those of you who know Matt..... No, he's not currently working as a hit man..... He's cleaning windows!)

He comes home from work, makes me take him to the Grocery store, and using a CALCULATER, he went shopping for food. And on top of that he actually bought food I can eat!!!! He picked the stuff out, and paid for it.

I hate to think this, but somebody should come and kick me or something, because I think its all a dream!!!!!

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Review of Threshold

I probaly spelled the name of the new TV show wrong, but that's ok, since it seems the WHOLE PROGRAM WAS WRONG......VERY WRONG.

Ok, here's the thing, you got a Navy vessel that is not reponding to communication, right by a probable landing of an alien aircraft.......... Got that?.......Ok, fly by shows people DEAD on the deck of the ship...........Got that?................So they send in a special team to investigate, and they board the ship IN STREET CLOTHING!!!!!!!! No Isolation suits!!!!!!! Some of them didn't even wear rubber gloves when examining the body's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then they find more body's, some of them distorted beyond the ability of a human body, and they bag them in regular body bags, take them off the ship to a research facility.

OK, body bags don't contain contamination, that would have been a no no. The people carrying the bags were not in isolation gear, and after they took the body's back to the lab.................... THEN THINGS GOT MORE FUCKED UP!!! Who the fuck does an autopsy of a body in STREET CLOTHING!!!!! JUST WITH RUBBER GLOVES ON!!!!!!! And then allows someone to WALK IN during the autopsy and just STAND THERE TALKING!!!

And to beat it all, afterwards, in the evening, the whole team GOES HOME TO THEIR OWN HOMES!!!!!!!!!

YEH RIGHT!!!! I'm going to autopsy a body that may have died from some kind of alien contact, WITHOUT ISOLATION GEAR, and then go home that evening, stopping at a WAWA on the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There has to be a limit to what even an ordinary person could believe, and as for me, a person who has been in situations like that while working for the military.....Well, it's just FUCKING WRONG!

Even Joe Blow who a normal man in every sense knows better. What is this! Is this how they are trying to portray a new gentler Army. A Army of idiots who do not have a clue what contamination control is????

I'm going to watch the show just to see the blatant mistakes they are making. But, people let me tell you............

1. They wouldn't have boarded the navel vessel with out connamination procedures
2. If the helicopter flew to close to the vessel, they would not have been allowed to return to base.
3. During a lock down due to contamination........You don't fucking go home in the evening!!!
4. You don't do an autopsy of a suspected alian infection in STREET CLOTHING!
5. If memebers of your team seem to have been infected or exposed....they don't go home in the evening, they would be lucky if they weren't placed in a dozen bottles on a shelf!!!!

On the up side, Data, doing a show again....great
A midget being part of the team.....political correctness at it's best
A women heading the team.....totaly right

There was nothing else in the show that was right!!!!!!!!! What is this the 50's?????????

Friday, September 16, 2005


Well fall is finely coming. Yummmy. I have to admit it's my favorite time of the year. Crisp cold mornings and nights, and semi-warm days. Leaves changing colors............. You can just feel the magic in the air!!! Hot cider, warm flannel, smell of burning leaves, pumpkins, scarecrow, hot apple pie. I can go to New Hope and walk around the stores in complete comfort. Spend the day at Englishtown, with a wad of cash in my pocket, buying Christmas presents.....Sigh.....LOVE THE FALL!!!

And of course, it's the best time for spell casting. Ever!!!!! While doing spells, atmosphere does count!

Put on soothing music, dress in your robe and attire. Carry you knife and incense and bell. Giving you the feeling of power, and you can create power.

That's why I leave fall for my most important spells. Health, wealth, love. As we all know, spells are tricky. You cast them and ........ Nothing. Seems to be that when you finely forget that you casted a spell, that's when it happens. LOL Everyone seems to think there is this time limit on them. And yes, sometimes you can see the results shortly afterward, but most of the time it takes a while to go to force. LOL in the meantime, you forget you cast it, and then all of a sudden it hits. I think it's just the Goddess's little joke. She's telling you.....Patience, and faith.

Have Patience that what you ask for she will answer
Have Faith that the Goddess will provide

when you learn that, you cast your spells, and wait. As is proper.

But I've gotten off the track. LOL Humans are attuned to their sense of smell, sight, touch, taste, hearing. You have to create an atmosphere where you feel powerful and strong.

If it's darkness, blood, and creapycrawler...That's good
If it's pastels and flower and sweets....That's good
If it's skulls with candles, harmonic chants in the background, grave yard dirt....That's good too.

Fall always makes me feel strong, like I could fly in the wind with the falling leaves....So I'm going to make my alter room more in the fall way. How you ask, fall leaves, music that makes you feel like fall, a sound machine to give you the sound of the howling wind, pumpkins, and more...... So that when I go into my room, no matter what the time of year, It's transformed into Fall. So that I can go in there and feel the sound of the wind, and the leaves blowing round and round. This will give me streanth to perform the most powerful spells I can do.

Sort of like a stage setting in a play. Find your setting, find the time of the year that you feel that the smell of the air can make you fly!!!!!!! And do your room like that. FEEL THE MAGIC FLOW!!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

More Rules For Chocolate

1. If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

2. Clearly, chocolate is a vegetable. Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. A bean is a vegetable. Wait! There's more! Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar beets. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. QED: chocolate is a vegetable.

3. Chocolate-covered raisins, -cherries, -orange slices and -strawberries all count as fruit. Eat as many as you want. Fruits are an important part of the Food Pyramid.

4. Hot tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off Your appetite and you'll eat less.

5. If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

6. Money talks. Chocolate sings.

7. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, chocolate is therapeutic.

8. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

9. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?

10. If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

Friday, September 09, 2005


I now know why dragons died out on this earth, as you can see from this ancient picture! Typical man.......fucking up again!!!!!! LOL LOL

What happens if you don't clean your bathroom????

I told my son, time and time again, that he has to clean his bathroom or mold and such will start growing. See what happens when you don't do what I say. Look at what's growing in his sink!!!!!

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Skankey Spam Freaks!!!!!!!

You know I'm getting some brain dead jerk off who's reading my posts and posting comments in spam form. You probably haven't seen them, since I delete them really quick!

Like......."Wow you sound like you like star wars go to..... And some stupid web link. What a MORON.

Well, I wrote the bog central and reported it. I talked to them and they say they have the hardware to track the idiots, so I sent them the links, and then deleted them. Like I'm actually going to leave that on my blog!!!!! Get Real!!!

So if anyone see's something like that on my blog comments....DON'T CLICK ON IT!

As soon as I see it, I delete it, first reporting it. Hope they catch that idiot.

Why are there so many idiots in this world. Like the asshole who's spamming my blog. Would love to get his e-mail or phone # and leave 20,000 messages all over it. LOL Maybe the blog people will give it to me, and I can get some satisfaction. LOL

Well there's nothing anyone can do to keep people with mental problems off the net, it's a shame.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Without the X's

Last time

Well, I went to Mom's for the last time on Friday. We went thru the basement. I found some pretty nice thing, pots and pans ect. But, I kept walking around, remembering how it used to be. Ernie didn't keep the house up, he didn't have the skills for that, but the house still remained the same. Mom never changed anything. She had the same living room furniture for 50 yrs. The same dining room furniture and the same kitchen things. She was afraid of change I guess. I don't know what her problem was, maybe that's why I like change so much?

I like to change things constantly, from furniture, to decorations, to house's. Maybe I saw that fear in her and decided that that wasn't going to be me. Maybe, who knows.

But I knew it was the last time I would be in that house. The house where I was born, and lived for 25 yrs. It wasn't a good feeling. Eileen started to cry, but I made her stop, I couldn't hack it, and she would have just set me off. I waited till they all left the house, and I walked around it one more time.

And though I know it was silly, I pretended I was 6 yrs old again, going outside to play.......I called out "See you later Mom" and went out the door and closed it behind me. I could see myself running out to the back yard.......... I could see the past and even though I know It's long gone, I guess I mourned the loss of that childhood more then the loss of both my parents.

I long ago made my peace with my dad dying, so it didn't seem as hard when my mom went. I remember looking in the coffin and saying "that's not her". And I do believe it wasn't her. That tiny thin thing in the coffin wasn't my mom. Mom never sat still, she paced or stood, laying down wasn't like her at all. Maybe it makes it easier to bear that she's gone, if I don't admit she was laying there....But it really wasn't her. Not the mom I knew. In my mind she's still there, and I do love her....Even if showing love was almost impossible for her, I did love her.

Now they are all gone. My grandparents, my mom and dad, my husband. All gone. And I'm alone. There's no one left who really knew me as a child, no one that can remember for me, and think about me. It's a shame. My sister and my Aunt Harriet, cousin mike, and Eddie are all that are left of our family. Those people didn't really know me. Especially my sister, she never took the time to get to know me at all....But that's ok. I remember who I am

Some nights in the dark, I go back and remember, and the memory's were good ones. When I go, there won't be anyone there to say..... Oh my, but she was a pretty, cheerful child. A child who love nature, climing trees, barbie dolls, Cats. No one to remember me as a child, carefree and wondering. I wonder where the wonder went? It died as I grew, and it's been gone for what seems like forever.

That's the secret. Acting like a child doesn't make you a child, and it doesn't bring back good or bad memory's. Acting like an adult is the hardent, most hurtful thing a person can do....But you have to do it. To live, survive, and maybe every once in a while to be happy again.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Who's paying off the President????????

Tell me, It's 8:30 AM on a Friday MORNING. And I've seen 4 commercials for "RUM" on TV!!!!!!!! Cute ones too, I have to admit. But, why are they on in the AM. Oh I'm sure they are for the adults. FUCK YOU!!!!

Kills me to know that the President is so fucking corrupt that he can be bought off by the Alcohole consortium. And you know he is!!!! No, instead of fighting this, he's after SMOKERS!!!

Tell me MR. (asshole for brains) PRESIDENT..... When was the last time someone smoked a cig, and went home and beat the shit out of his wife and kids????

When was the last time someone had a cig, and went and got in his car and KILLED people??????

When was the last time smoking lead to heroin addiction??????

How many people who drink alcohole become addicted??????????? HOW FUCKING MANY!!!!


Yep, no cig. Advertising on TV or in Books or Mags. or on road sides!!!!! But having a Baccardi Rum commercial at 8:30AM ON A FUCKING FRIDAY MORNING...... That's total cool with you.

What's the matter Mr. (taking bribes is good) President????? Didn't the tobacco industry offer you enough money to fuck off....... Like the alcohol industry did????

I've always been on the side of the govement. But taking away my freedom to smoke, ok cool, if you also do the same for the drinking!!!!!!

NO, you put a little sign at the end of a alcohole commercial saying "DRINK REPONSABLY" I'm sure the 6 year olds watching that along with their moring cartoons totally get the concept!!!!!

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

The Rambling Mind

You know, I've always been a strong person. When I was younger I dreamed the dream that most women do, a man to take care of her. And I had that dream...But dreams aren't reality. And a man is just a little boy who wants YOU to take care of him, give him sex, feed him, and leave him alone.

So I became a stronger women. I had to do the bills, take care of the kids, clean the house, support him in his stupidity. All those stupid things that the little boy decided to do. No matter if it was something big, like changing his job, to something little like letting him buy hedge clippers..... And not having hedges! And at night I dreamed that he would die and go away, so that my life would be better. I got that dream, and am happy. I won't make that mistake again.

I learned that you can be dependent on a man, and still be in total charge of him. You have to. I'm afraid that most men, if not all, are just plain stupid! But I didn't want that!!!! I wanted HIM to be in charge, and take care of me. But that never worked out. I had to fix things, make things better he fucked up, and face the consequences of his actions, alone.

Being strong and independent has it's good sides and bad. I can do just about anything a man can, any kind of work, but when I need help with something......There's no one there. Friends and family think you can handle everything, so they never bother to offer help. That hurts, since they are always asking for help, but never offer it. It's understandable though, since I am the one that gives them the impression I can do anything. You sort of cut your own nose off in spite of your face. Giggle. I now understand that expression.

Changes are good. I've been wanting to make even more changes then I have. But something always holds me back. Maybe it fear the I'll be totally alone.....But isn't that sometimes better then being aggravated all the time??? I see what people are doing to themselves, and I can't help...Because they think it's what they want, and no one can change their mind. I see friends treating friends like dirt, and they keep forgiving them over and over. I love my friends, but there has to be a time you say, enough is enough. Doesn't there?

Well, just a bit of rambling in my mind as I sort out who I want to be. Should I stay on the same path and just be happy with myself, and ignore all the slights and jabs? Or should I go my way, change things, and maybe end up alone? But then aren't I already alone?

Hummmm, right now I vote for keeping things the same. LOL but that will change in the very near future. As my time grows shorter, I find that I can't stay as I've always been, it's just too much work. I need to find a path of lesser resistance. A path where I can walk among the flowers and enjoy what time I have left. I only ask that I don't walk that path alone....... But then dreaming has never worked out well for me.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

The Sky

I think I'm getting addicted to the sky out here. I go outside, and it's so damn beautiful I can't help take a picture of it. This was last night when the sun was going down. I think it's a mix of the salt air and the regular air that makes it so spectacular!!!!

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Busy Work

Well, I went thru the boxes of Christmas and fall decorations from my mom's house.

Most of it wasn't really usable. Broken, old, and falling apart.

I did manage to salvage some straw baskets shaped like pumpkins, but not much else. I also looked thru some of the Christmas decorations.

One Wreath was FANTASTIC. All pretty boxes decorated with sequins.....Unfortunately the rest of the decorations were wrapped candies..... And someone failed to tell my Mom that wrapped candies kept in an un-insulated attic, tend to melt allllllllll over the place. I was able to save some of the boxes, but the wreath had to be chucked....can you say "STICKY" ooooooohhhhh YUCK!

Everything has a really weird smell to it. I have no idea what that is, but thank the goddess for Fabreeze!!!! I tell you.....If my house EVER gets that OLD LADY SMELL to it, I'm gonna burn it to the ground. LOL

It's bad. But I'm sure most of it was from the fact that my Stepfather had a fear of bathing, and for the last 35 yrs all he ever did was sponge himself off in the basement sink. Is that sick????? I didn't know about that till my sister mentioned that the doctors at rehab told her about it. He didn't ever seem dirty, but I guess I was wrong!!! And WHY, AND HOW did my mother "Mrs. Clean" ever put up with that???????

I guess when you depend on someone to take care of you..... you have to bite the bullet and cope. Women from that generation had no idea how to take care of themselves. And you think with the depression, and lack of TV and appliances, that they would have been totally self-sufficient. But, my mom wasn't. Heaven forbid that her nails or hair became mussed. She went to church 3 times a week, and to the beauty shop at least once every 2 weeks. Never a hair out of place!!!!! Amazing!!