Wednesday, August 31, 2005

The Rambling Mind

You know, I've always been a strong person. When I was younger I dreamed the dream that most women do, a man to take care of her. And I had that dream...But dreams aren't reality. And a man is just a little boy who wants YOU to take care of him, give him sex, feed him, and leave him alone.

So I became a stronger women. I had to do the bills, take care of the kids, clean the house, support him in his stupidity. All those stupid things that the little boy decided to do. No matter if it was something big, like changing his job, to something little like letting him buy hedge clippers..... And not having hedges! And at night I dreamed that he would die and go away, so that my life would be better. I got that dream, and am happy. I won't make that mistake again.

I learned that you can be dependent on a man, and still be in total charge of him. You have to. I'm afraid that most men, if not all, are just plain stupid! But I didn't want that!!!! I wanted HIM to be in charge, and take care of me. But that never worked out. I had to fix things, make things better he fucked up, and face the consequences of his actions, alone.

Being strong and independent has it's good sides and bad. I can do just about anything a man can, any kind of work, but when I need help with something......There's no one there. Friends and family think you can handle everything, so they never bother to offer help. That hurts, since they are always asking for help, but never offer it. It's understandable though, since I am the one that gives them the impression I can do anything. You sort of cut your own nose off in spite of your face. Giggle. I now understand that expression.

Changes are good. I've been wanting to make even more changes then I have. But something always holds me back. Maybe it fear the I'll be totally alone.....But isn't that sometimes better then being aggravated all the time??? I see what people are doing to themselves, and I can't help...Because they think it's what they want, and no one can change their mind. I see friends treating friends like dirt, and they keep forgiving them over and over. I love my friends, but there has to be a time you say, enough is enough. Doesn't there?

Well, just a bit of rambling in my mind as I sort out who I want to be. Should I stay on the same path and just be happy with myself, and ignore all the slights and jabs? Or should I go my way, change things, and maybe end up alone? But then aren't I already alone?

Hummmm, right now I vote for keeping things the same. LOL but that will change in the very near future. As my time grows shorter, I find that I can't stay as I've always been, it's just too much work. I need to find a path of lesser resistance. A path where I can walk among the flowers and enjoy what time I have left. I only ask that I don't walk that path alone....... But then dreaming has never worked out well for me.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

The Sky

I think I'm getting addicted to the sky out here. I go outside, and it's so damn beautiful I can't help take a picture of it. This was last night when the sun was going down. I think it's a mix of the salt air and the regular air that makes it so spectacular!!!!

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Busy Work

Well, I went thru the boxes of Christmas and fall decorations from my mom's house.

Most of it wasn't really usable. Broken, old, and falling apart.

I did manage to salvage some straw baskets shaped like pumpkins, but not much else. I also looked thru some of the Christmas decorations.

One Wreath was FANTASTIC. All pretty boxes decorated with sequins.....Unfortunately the rest of the decorations were wrapped candies..... And someone failed to tell my Mom that wrapped candies kept in an un-insulated attic, tend to melt allllllllll over the place. I was able to save some of the boxes, but the wreath had to be chucked....can you say "STICKY" ooooooohhhhh YUCK!

Everything has a really weird smell to it. I have no idea what that is, but thank the goddess for Fabreeze!!!! I tell you.....If my house EVER gets that OLD LADY SMELL to it, I'm gonna burn it to the ground. LOL

It's bad. But I'm sure most of it was from the fact that my Stepfather had a fear of bathing, and for the last 35 yrs all he ever did was sponge himself off in the basement sink. Is that sick????? I didn't know about that till my sister mentioned that the doctors at rehab told her about it. He didn't ever seem dirty, but I guess I was wrong!!! And WHY, AND HOW did my mother "Mrs. Clean" ever put up with that???????

I guess when you depend on someone to take care of you..... you have to bite the bullet and cope. Women from that generation had no idea how to take care of themselves. And you think with the depression, and lack of TV and appliances, that they would have been totally self-sufficient. But, my mom wasn't. Heaven forbid that her nails or hair became mussed. She went to church 3 times a week, and to the beauty shop at least once every 2 weeks. Never a hair out of place!!!!! Amazing!!

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

And the newest, Elizabeth Paige

Sabastion the oldest grandchild

Morganna with part of her Treasure chest from Great Grandmom

Tuesday, August 23, 2005


I need a facial, I need a vacation, I need a life!!!!!! I'm getting tired of sitting around the house all the time! True, I work on E-Bay ::: no great intelligence needed there ::: and I do hang around a lot with my friends..... Though I wonder sometimes that I NEVER see them on the weekends!!!!!! What's with that? I guess I'm just a weekday friend. LOL But it's true, Saturday and Sunday's I'm usually sitting home, because everyone else has plans...... And It seems I'm never included in them. That sucks!

Maybe it's because I'm not a PEST! I figure if they want to do something over the weekend, they'll call me. I don't interrupt weekends, especially with married friends. But, no one calls. So my weekends are the pits. LOL

But enough of bitching.....Wait, no I'm not done. What is it with men???? I don't understand how stupid they are!!!! If your a man, and you interested in someone....Try showing it sometimes.

And James, Oh Goddess, he's a total loser with women. He has no clue how to handle them, or treat them, or even know what they want!!!! He thinks everyone is just like HIM. He thinks he's going to meet Ms. Wonderful sitting around watching golf and sleeping in front of the TV!!!!!

And all these guys you meet on line, they are so fucking lazy that they want the women to do just about everything.... From calling to meeting. What ever happened to men who SHOWED they were interested, PAYED ATTENTION, COURTED A women???? They are all gone, and dead. LOL Better off alone then with someone who can't get the energy up to pay some attention to you.

Well, I think I'm going on vacation. When my mom's house sells, I'm going to take some of the money and go to Europe!!! Yep, gonna spend money on travel. Sounds good to me. Always wanted to go to England, and maybe Spain, France, the Alps.

You know, once your in England most of the other country's are just a train ride away. So I'm looking at tours. I'm going alone, since I know that no one can afford to go with me, so I'm looking at guided tours. They sound nice. You have everything planned out for you, plus a lot of your meals included, site seeing, shopping, and transportation. All planned and set. So you don't need someone with you to enjoy yourself! I think 2 weeks should do it. I want to see some castles, and country towns, stoneheadge, the alps, so much more!!!!!

I'll need major disposable camera's and extra money to spend, spend, spend. Sounds good to me. Giggle

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Irish Spell

At Tara in this fateful hour.
I place all Heaven with it's power,
and the sun with it's brightness,
and the snow with it's whiteness,
and the fire with all the strength it hath,
and the sea with it's deepness,
and the rocks with their steepness,
and the earth with it's starkness,
All these I place
by God's almighty help and grace
Between myself and the powers of darkness

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

the beach

Day at the Beach

Oh goddess!!!! I just spent the most wonderful day at the beach. After all his hot and humid weather, Mary and I decided to go to the beach and enjoy ourselves!!! And we did!!!! The weather was perfect, the water was warm and clear and clean. The sky's were blue, blue, blue. It was fantastic.

Mary is a little afraid of going out too far, since she can't see, so I went back into my childhood, and took her closer to the beach, and we sat in the water like little girls. Giggle it was FUN!!! We weren't deep enough to have to fight the waves, but still deep enough to enjoy them. Giggle occasionally a wave would catch us, and twist us around. LOL Like tops, but it was fun. We sat there for hours, then under the umbrella, then out there again.

Mary was nice and went to the boardwalk and brought us back some nice sausage sandwitches. And some Fresh lemonade. Then I sat and look at the ocean while she built a Merlin, sand castle. How she got those ears to stay up, I'll never know!!!!!!!

I'm only a little burned, and I had enough sand stuck in my bathing suit to start my OWN beach. But it was a truly wonderful day!!!!!!! :sigh: I'm way to tired to do a HAPPY DANCE, but if I wasn't too tired, I would be doing one right now. Giggle

Friday, August 12, 2005

Career Path and Vacations for you Sign

Career Path Suggestions for Every

• Aries
Energetic Rams do best in jobs that are challenging, competitive, and entrepreneurial. These folks work well on a commission basis, especially when sales incentives are offered. Natural-born heroes, Ariens make great soldiers, police officers, and rescue workers. Advertising and public relations might also appeal to these types, who are excellent promoters.
• Taurus
Sedate Bulls enjoy careers that afford plenty of stability. These folks will happily work overtime in exchange for a good salary, generous benefits, and plenty of vacation time. Taureans are quite sensual, and get great enjoyment working with food, flowers, or luxury goods. Famous for their melodious voices, members of this sign also make great singers, public speakers, and receptionists.
• Gemini
Clever Twins need work that affords plenty of intellectual stimulation. And although members of this sign don't like to work overtime,Geminis can produce more in a working day than most people accomplish in a week. They work well under pressure, and make great switchboard operators, technical support workers, and customer service representatives. Geminis also make great teachers and writers.
• Cancer
Compassionate and perceptive, Crabs do best in nurturing professions. Social work, gardening, and child care are all natural fits for this sign. Cancers are natural money-makers, and do well as bond traders, bank executives, and stock portfolio managers. Members of this sign also work well in human resources, as they are discreet, trustworthy, and tactful. Their executive ability is considerable.
• Leo
Although they require plenty of high maintenance, Leo employees are worth every bit of trouble. That's because they're creative, dynamic, and inspirational. These folks work best in high-profile positions. They make great performers, interior decorators, and tour guides. Lions also enjoy careers that afford status and prestige. They make great doctors, lawyers, and executives. Working with children also appeals to these big kids.
• Virgo
Attentive Virgins do best in service-oriented jobs. Members of this sign have a knack for anticipating their customers' needs. They work well in restaurants, spas, and hotels. Virgoes have highly retentive minds and therefore make excellent editors, researchers, and teachers. These natural wordsmiths are also good writers and critics. Virgins can make lots of money when working for tips and bonuses.
• Libra
Charming, witty, and tasteful, Librans work best when dealing with the public. Members of this sign make great salespeople, providing they are moving luxury merchandise. Naturally artistic, these folks also gravitate toward jobs involving design, music, or dance. Librans are also extremely gracious, and make excellent ambassadors, customer service representatives, and restaurant hosts.
• Scorpio
Self-motivated and focus, Scorpions do best in jobs that require tremendous concentration. Members of this sign make great surgeons, courtroom lawyers, and executive secretaries. Scorpios don't like to be scrutinized, and should be given a measure of independence after they've proved they are trustworthy. These folks love mysteries, which makes them great detectives, police officers, and psychiatrists.
• Sagittarius
Enthusiastic and optimistic, Sagittarians need jobs that offer plenty of challenges. These folks can't stand routine work, and would rather be traveling on business than sitting behind a desk all day. Extremely active, Archers work well out-of-doors, and make excellent landscapers, animal trainers, and fitness coaches. Sagittarians are also philosophical, and are well-suited as lawyers, professors, and ministers.
• Capricorn
Conscientious and attentive, Goats need work that requires lots of responsibility. Capricorns are rarely in subordinate positions for long. Whether they're store managers or hospital administrators, you can count on these folks to run a tight ship. Their earthy sensibilities are best suited to jobs that involve material goods. Banking, manufacturing, and building are all good industries for these folks to pursue.
• Aquarius
Water-bearers rarely hold conventional jobs. These folks enjoy putting a unique twist on everything they do. Holistic medicine, organic farming, or performance art are the sorts of fields these iconoclasts enjoy. Innovative and intellectual, Aquarians also enjoy jobs that allow them to imagine, explore, and invent. They make great scientists and engineers. These folks also like working for humanitarian causes.
• Pisces
Intuitive and imaginative, Pisceans are natural artists. These folks enjoy creative work, whether it's hairdressing, graphic design, or photo journalism. Fish are also quite compassionate, and enjoy healing professions like nursing, social work, and physical therapy. Pisceans also make great veterinarians and psychologists. Ultimately, these workers do best when they can set their own schedules and work in private.

Now that the weather is warming up, we can take advantage of outdoor activities and dream about vacations. Of course, each sign has a different definition of fun. Here are some suggestions for every member of the zodiac to capitalize on all the magic that summer affords.

Aries - You Rams are active all year round, but you’re especially sporty during the summer months. Running, rollerblading, and biking allow you to leave the constraints of work and family behind. Your competitive spirit is often fueled by the summer sun. Entering a race or walkathon is a healthy way to test your mettle against others. For a vacation, consider venues that invite you to stay up all night, like a casino hotel or singles resort.
Taurus - Like Ferdinand the Bull, your greatest joy is to stop and smell the flowers. Summer invites you to do just that. Long, leisurely strolls through the park and afternoon picnics will provide pleasant diversions from work responsibilities. Aimless drives through the countryside will also prove refreshing, especially if you’re a city-dweller. For a full-on vacation, you’d likely enjoy a spa, health resort, or bed-and-breakfast.
Gemini - Summer is the season of block parties. When you’re not hosting a neighborhood get-together, you’ll probably be attending somebody else’s. The warm weeks ahead might also prompt you to travel short distances. If you Gemini don’t have lots of extended vacation time, arrange to spend a series of three-day weekends in nearby towns. But if you can get away, you might like to visit an ancient ruin, big city, or historical monument to satisfy your curious spirit.
Cancer - The summer sun is beckoning you Crabs to leave your shell. Activities like camping and house-boating allow you to enjoy the great outdoors while maintaining a comfortable home base. Hosting a family reunion could also be in the cards for you, as you love being surrounded by your nearest and dearest. White-water rafting could prove sheer bliss. If you decide to travel, check out cultural centers that offer plenty of plays, art galleries, and concerts.
Leo - You Lions love basking in the summer sun, whether it’s on a deck chair or at the tennis court! Wherever you are, all eyes will be riveted on you. That’s because you’re at your sexiest during the summer months. In fact, your favorite seasonal activity will probably be flirting. If you have a mate, go on vacation together to a sun-drenched island or gambling mecca, like Las Vegas or Atlantic City.
Virgo - The summer months afford an abundance of your favorite fruits, vegetables, and flowers. You’ll probably spend much of your free time at the farmer’s market. When you’re not enjoying berry tarts and spinach salads, you’ll be delving into good books. Remember, summer reading is for pleasure, so put away those clunky texts until fall, Virgins! If you want to get out of town, try renting a quiet cabin in the woods, where you can commune with nature. A country inn might also provide lots of pleasure.
Libra - One of your favorite things about summer is all the fun fashion it affords! Naturally, you’ll want to add some light, bright items to your wardrobe. You’ll have ample opportunity to show off your cool threads at summer parties and outdoor concerts. Of course, you’ll want to throw at least one sophisticated soiree of your own. For a vacation that suits the Libran love of beauty, try a place that’s famous for its distinctive architecture, like New York City or San Francisco
Scorpio - Although you’re probably not a sun-worshipper, you do enjoy the summer for its warm, sultry evenings. Going for late-night walks with your beloved can deepen your bonds of commitment. If you’re single, find a club that keeps late hours. It’s easy to lose your inhibitions at a darkened room filled with pulsating music and writhing bodies. For travel excitement, Scorpios might want to try an ocean cruise.
Sagittarius - You’ll probably spend the majority of your free time outside this summer. Sporting events and amusement parks are among an Archers chief delights. You love being surrounded by a crowd of happy people. The prospect of travel always excites you, and you can find some great hotel and plane fares now. An extended trip abroad, perhaps?
Capricorn - Notice that bright light outside of your office window, Capricorn? It’s called the sun! Do your best to cut back your work hours and indulge in some light-hearted fun. Throwing on an old pair of jeans to go strawberry picking can be a welcome respite from paperwork. Suffering from heat exhaustion? Take a long vacation in the mountains.
Aquarius - If you’re suffering from the summer blahs, check out Roadside America and visit some offbeat places of interest. With choices like The Corn Palace, Monkey Jungle, or Museum of Jurassic Technology, how could an Aquarius possibly go wrong? Show off the photos at your first annual Christmas in July party.
Pisces - Summer affords a beautiful opportunity to just rest, relax, and dream for Pisces. Working on a volume of poetry, painting the view from your back porch, or photographing flowers are all activities you might enjoy this season. Jumping through the sprinkler can awaken your inner child, as can catching fireflies in a jelly jar and weaving dandelion crowns. If wanderlust strikes, head for the beach or a lakefront cottage.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Coffee good

here's a picture of just three of the jewery boxes!!! And I'm saying just three, because there were more, but I'm was NOT bringing them home with me! I filled on of the boxes with all the fake pearls and necklaces and I'm giving it to the grandchildren. Morganna and Liz should have a blast dressing up in all those jewels. LOL I kept all the pins ( can you say gaudy!!!!) and I'll sell them on e-bay. Besides that, there wasn't any really good jewerly. I bought Mom some gold way back when, but I didn't see it, so who know what she did with it. Or my sister, who was doing the other boxes managed to pocket them.... But it doesn't matter.

At least I brought some boxes, and a HUGE box of large garbage bags with me. I would guess that we had at least 25 of them filled and ready for the garbage. Thank the goddess Ernie's grandson, Chris was there, so I got him to tote them outside for the garbage. I didn't bother keeping any of the clothing..... My Mom was about 4' 6" tall, and about 90 lbs!!! No one could fit into her stuff. Especially me. Giggle

And her shoes. Goddess Size 5! I don't think there is a woman alive that wears Size 5 anymore!!!! And shoes she had, hundreds of them, hundreds!!!!

I can't even tell you about the attic. I've never seen so much stuff in one space. It's going to take hours up there, and I refused to look in the basement..... I know what's waiting there, and I couldn't hack looking. I'm saving that for last.

Looks like I'll be there every Monday for the rest of the month, and maybe next month too. Until it's all cleared out and ready for sale. :sigh: That's the hard part. Not because I'm attached to the house still, but my father built it, and I'm kinda sad to see it go, but I wouldn't buy it if I could, it's just in too bad of shape. My step-father was a total asshole, and didn't fix anything in years and years.

The only good part of all this is that Chris got my step father out of the house while we were there. I never like him much, and the thought that he would be there was daunting.

Learning new things

I learned something about my Mother yesterday. My sister and I met at the house to start going thru her stuff, so that the house can be cleaned out and sold.

My mother was a CLEAN FANATIC! I mean Joan Crawford CLEAN. She cleaned all the time, and couldn't stop. Her house was ALWAYS SPOTLESS. When we were growing up, she made us do cleaning that any other normal kids didn't do. We scrubbed, waxed and dusted till we were slightly insane!!

Now my friends know...... I picked up that trait. I try to control it, but sometimes its hard.... Much to the amusement of my friends, who sometimes re-arrange pillows and such just to watch me, and see how long I can stand it before I have to fix them again!!!! I know, it's fun. Giggle, but it drives me nuts. LOL But, I control it!!!!

I stop cleaning, call a girlfriend, and tell her that my mom has taken over my brain!!!! And they talk me down, make me stop cleaning. LOL I works sometimes, but I don't tell them how many times I say it's worked, hang up, and clean till I drop.

If I had only knew!!!!!!! Sure my Mom was clean way past the point of where it's an obsession..... And you know why???? Because she NEVER GOT RID OF ANYTHING!!!! No shit. Eileen and I were there for 5 hours. We got her bedroom drawers cleaned out, her closet, and 1/4 of the living room done!!!!!!! We still have the attic, TV room, dining room and basement and kitchen to go thru.

Everything is under or in everything. Nicely hidden, labeled, in boxes, hidden, but not gotten rid of. I brought home 3 jewerly boxes of JUNK JEWERY. Not nice stuff, she never bought expensive stuff, just beads and such. There was a whole box of FAKE PEARLS. Unbelievable.

You just couldn't understand what I mean unless you saw it yourself. On the outside, the house looks spotless but in the cabinets, under the cabinets, in the closets....There's another story. How she did it, I can't imagine! I think the era she grew up in, the depression, taught her to never get rid of anything, because you might need it. But this was scary!

I'll tell you more later, I need coffee. LOL

Sunday, August 07, 2005

And since we're talking about Halloween

Please use these helpful hints this and every Halloween and during the whole year.

1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.
2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off and go alone.
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.
8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, get the hell out!
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out.
10. Do not take anything from the dead.
11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.
13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here:
Elm Street
Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one)
anywhere in Texas where chainsaws are sold
the Bermuda Triangle
any small town in Maine
16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
17. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.
18. Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example:
staple guns
hedge trimmers
electric carving knives
butane torches
soldering irons
band saws
any devices made from deceased companions.
19. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.
20. If you have just smoked dope, gotten drunk with a bunch of stupid frat boys or, especially, just had sex, you are as good as dead, so just kiss it good-bye!

Know the facts, folks. These aren't just suggestions....

Head hanging in shame :(

OK. LOL So I ranted a bit. Giggle. Sorry about that....Guess it was just building up and up and up. Giggle.

I'm much better now. LOL

But needless to say, I'm having a Halloween Party, and while all of you will get an invite....... No way in Hell will they. LOL

It's going to be a "COME AS YOUR FAVORITE WITCH OR WARLOK" Party. On October 29th which is a Saturday. And I'll be sending out e-mail reminders so you all can mark your calendar, then I'll send out paper invites.

And YES you HAVE to come in costume!!! The paper invites actually have a curse written in it for those of you who don't. So if you don't want your dip to curdle, and you chips to go soggy. FIND A COSTUME!!! Giggle

I have a really nice long black Indian dress I picked up, casual but nice, and at shore leave I bought a SUPER long Purple velvet cape with a hood. That's my costume, but just the black dress would have been good enough. Think 'GOTH WITH A TWIST"

There will be "make your own piazza's" and more. I'm also asking every one to bring at least one dish, because sometime people have dietary things, and it's better you bring your own. Also bring Booze...... But if you drink YOUR STAYING FOR THE NIGHT! Do not think I will let you drive, unless you come with someone who does the driving for you. We are also doing some traditional stuff that comes with the holidays. So come prepared to do a circle!!!

Saturday, August 06, 2005


Friends too. There's a married couple I know, I'm not going to mention their names...But Mary and the rest of you can figure it out. I always invite them over. House warming, party's, lady's night...... And yet, though I live real close to them now...... Nadia, nothing.

They just had a bar-b-que last weekend, Mary and Dave went, and others............ Did they invite me????

You got it, nope. So, while it's going to be interesting...Since they are part of our "group" I'm done inviting, and being nice to them.

I do like the husband, but I feel so sorry for him. That women has him by the balls and is leading him around. She never supports him, constantly tells him that "She's" the breadwinner. Sometimes I wonder if he actually knows just how much she control's him! We all thought it was a wonderful match, and she was a sweet a can be, then she started turning in to a giant bitch who won't let him move an inch without her permission. Even so far as not letting him take care of his ailing parents!!!!!!

The wife is a vain, shallow women, who only thinks of her fake boobies (she's so afraid of sex that she thinks nothing of insulting friends about it).

So why do I keep seeing them.... Because they are friends of my friends. She's a belly dancer. You should see how stiff and spastic she is when she dances. I've never seen a belly dancer who moves like a fucking robot!!! (yes I know, you think it's envy. LOL but I used to belly dance, and I know others who do, you have to move, be sensual...... She's like an ice princess with an icicle up her ass! Giggle)

I mentioned to Mary a few weeks ago. Even though we have all hung out together for YEARS. Never once did that Bitch call me on the phone!!!! Not once!!!!! All the planning and such has gone thru other people. She has never picked up a phone to call me for any reason!!!!! Why did I ever think she was my friend??? Because I'm stupid, stupid, stupid.

I treat people how I would like to be treated by them....But when that doesn't happen..... I over look it, forgive it, and move on.

Forgiving is good, but there has to be a limit to how much you can forgive and forget!!! Doesn't there?????

I would rather invite the Devil over for Tea, then invite them to anything I do again. And that's what's going to happen. NO MORE


In the last 2 years I've made a lot of changes in my life, slowly yes, but I have done it:

I moved back to the Jersey Shore, despite a lot of whining and moaning about it from others

I picked a place to live where I don't have to do large amounts of yard and house work (if people think I'm trailer trash, they can go fuck themselves, I'm not killing myself with yard work and house work any more!!! Plus I think my trailer is better the most people's house's .... On the energy savings alone.)

I've tried to stop working all together and retire. (this has worked somewhat, but not all the way. I just have to learn to live on what I have, and stop the shopping! Giggle)

I decided to STOP dieting! After seeing my sister and mother looking like living skeletons.... What's the point! They kept thin, and are losing their health because of it. I honesty believe Mom died because she didn't have the reserves of fat needed to stay healthy. Is it worth it? In my opinion, NO! Not that I'm going to run amok and get fatter, I'm just going to keep exercising and give up dieting. And take the time to enjoy the food I love so much.

I decided that maintaining my hair was a bitch, and went natural. I've worked for years keeping it pretty, but natural can be pretty too. I just needed to adjust to it, and live with it. Not that I'll give up makeup (please! There are limits!!! GIGGLE) but I'm tired of working so hard to keep looking young. I'm not young anymore...Cope!

And just this week I decided to make another change. I'm giving up dating and men. I don't know what happened.... When I was younger men were men. They were strong, and dominate, and knew how to treat a women.
Now they have all turned in to whinny little boys. Boys who want sex, but not the commitment that comes with it. Boy's who have forgotten how to treat a women, and have become the ME, ME, ME generation. They show no ability to have fun, they are too busy impressing other people. They show no ability for romance, why romance someone when all you want is sex? And as for sex, they have forgotten that it can be fun, and kinky and just a pleasure, and worry way too much about how they look and what they are getting out of it. It's just not worth the work!!!!!!
All I asked for was one man to say...."Shut up, your with me, I love you, and your going to have to cope, I'm not giving you up!" LOL
living in a dream world is kinda nice, don't you think so?
They have lost the strenth, and macho attitude, and have turned into major wieners. Yuck

They have lost the ability to attract me. And it's a shame. That's the original reason I turned to dating black men, because they still had the attitude..... But I've noticed lately that it's gone, even men as little as 5 years younger then me are total Wieners!

So I'm done

There are going to me more changes coming. Changes that I've tried over the years to do, but was held back one way or the other. Sometimes from family obligations, or how I was raised, or just because I cared too much what other people thought of me, my house, my appearence and so on

I'm done! No more! No compromises! No trying to impress! I'm me. Love me or fuck off!!

So stay tuned, to this channel, this time, and watch the evolution of this women!!!! Enjoy the show, comment all you want. DAMN I SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS 35 YEARS AGO!!!!!

Friday, August 05, 2005

what you say after sex


ARIES: Ok let`s do that again.

TAURUS: I`m hungry.

GEMINI: Have you seen the tv remote?

CANCER: When are we getting married?

LEO: Wasn`t I fantastic!

VIRGO: I need to wash the sheets.

LIBRA: I liked it if you liked it.

SCORPIO: Perhaps I should untie you.

SAGITTARIUS: Don`t call me, I`ll call you.

CAPRICORN: Do you have a business card?

AQUARIUS: Now let`s try it with our clothes on.

PISCES: What did you say your name was

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Well I did it!!!!!

My transformation to "CRONE" is complete. LOL I've had red hair for years, and a few months ago I bleached it, and then let it grow out to it's natural color.... which is white as snow. Giggle.

Well today, I did the unthinkable!!! I went to a beauty shop!!!!! Now for thoes of you who know me, that's something that happens only every 20 years or so!!!!! I had them cut all my hair off!!!! Yep real short. I wanted to get rid of all that damaged hair, and the hair with some dye still left in it.

Now all I have it natural. No dyes or color at all except mine!!!! I actually havent' seen my real hair in over 40 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's the truth!!!!!!

So now that I'm like this, totaly natural, I will let my hair grow again. I do like it long, so by the end of the summer it should be back to down to my shoulders... but dye free and all me!!! Giggle


The need to pick a God or Goddess to worship with your craft is a paramount turning point in your education.

There are thousands and thousands of Gods and Goddess's out there. Some from every region of the earth!!!!

And don't' be fooled by "good and evil" All the Gods were a mixture of good and evil. They all had their faults and phobias..... They are gods you know! LOL

If the one you like is considered "Evil", or cruel by some, that may not be true within yourself. That touch of Evil may be what you need to focus your energy.

Doesn't matter if they are Greek, Swedish, from mythology or just about anywhere. I even know quite a few people who worship the catholic God or Jesus as their chosen one.

After all, Wicca does believe in Jesus and God, we just believe that they are just one of many. For some reason people or the elders felt a need to pull one of the gods out of the rest. Some say it was to give a final judgment on our lives, others say it's just because they became popular...But either way, they are still part of the gods and goddess on this planet.

You need to do research and find one that suits you.

I picked Hertha, because I read a description of her in one of my books, and they described the ultimate "Mother Nature" and something clicked with me. I could see her in my mind, and it was Love. So all these years when I did a ceremony or needed a favor, Hertha was the Goddess that I called upon.

I've noticed a lot of people just call upon the God's and Goddess's in general. This will never give you the proper effect you need for your ceremonies. You can't FOCUS your energies on thousands of deity's. You need the ONE to bring your power into focus, and to concentrate your will on.

I always call upon Hertha first.....THEN add a general appeal out to all the others

So do some research, look on line, or in books and find that ONE God or Goddess who's description hits something deep inside of you, deep in your core...... And from then on, make them the main reason you worship.

It doesn't take long to look around. Put a search on your computer under God's and goddess's or get some books. You will know when you find the one you want to focus on. It will be like a bell ringing deep within your soul.