Tuesday, January 17, 2006


You know, I can never understand how strong people can't cope with what life sends them?

I lived thru my father passing away when I was 14, and then the following 10 years suffering from an eating disorder from the stress.

21 years of marriage to a man who treated me as if I wasn't even there, never a present or gift even for birthdays or Christmas, though he expected them from me.

raising 3 kids, each with their own unique problems that would have driven a lesser women MAD! Managing to pay the bills, buy food, and take care of the kids on less money then I get a month now.... And I'm retired!

my hubby passing away. and leaving me with 3 kids, a huge house in the mountains with a equally huge mortgage, and NO LIFE INSURANCE.

I've lived thru, my daughter having a major accident, that took months to recover from.

My son losing his eye, the surgeries, and doctors appointments.

I've lived thru moving around trying to buy house's and fix them up and selling them.

I've lived thru finding out I had Aplasic Anemia... And that I would probably die in less then a year... Then all the treatments, and recovery, and more.

I've lived thru Men who used me and abandoned me, because of their own mental problems. And I did love just one, loved him more then life itself, and he also left me

I've lived thru my friends problems, and the consequences that followed.

I've suffered thru not having money to buy food, or gas, or pay my bills. Having the electric turned off, phone turned off, and the water turned off also, and still managing.

I live thru Fibromyalga, something that makes every day a day to live in pain... But I refuse to take pain pills, and suffer, and cope, and live.

I live thru both my parents, mother and step father passing away with months of each other.

Each day I suffer, cope, and prosper, ALONE. No man to care for me, or help with the bills or anything. BUT I COPE, I MANAGE, I SMILE!

When other people tell me they are stressed, and it's causing all kinds of mental anguish.... I hear them, and sympathize with them... But then COPE!

Life hands you shit sometimes..... But baby, shit makes wonderful fertilizer, and fertilizer makes the Rose's bloom, the vegetables grow, and puts down a nice foundation for life!!!!

Like the Rose's, you cope with the shit, and use it to GROW and become the most beautiful rose you can be.

For those of you who can't cope, that the shit burns instead of feeds.... If you can't laugh at the pitfalls, and giggle when the garbage piles up... Then you just don't deserve your life. You'll spend years wishing for the "what if's" and "I should have" and not see the Rose's blooming in the snow.

I've seen Christmas days when I went outside and saw Rose's blooming, nights where the stars seem to be with in touching distance, days where the sun and ocean are like something out of a dream!!! What more can you ask for???

I've had love, good sex, good books, good friends.... If I die tomorrow, I will go with the knowlage that I WILL be reborn, and I WILL live another life, filled with the same things this one held for me. And you know what????? I WILL REJOICE IN IT!!!! In the pain, the love, the sorrow.... Because that's LIFE! And most of the time it's good, and when it's bad, it's really bad, but when it's good it's really good.



CourtneyLeighBrown said...

Very beautiful! Using that shit to grow and move on!