This morning I realized something. I was in the kitchen making toast, and the cat was sitting at the front door, watching the birds hop around outside. The house was cool with the early morning breeze...... the TV was on, my coffee pot was whistling..... I realized how HAPPY I WAS!
Don't get me wrong, there is and was a lot of bad things in my life. Losing my husband, family, friends. But, people die, and that's a fact of life you have to learn to live with.
My health, while not bad right now, has been really bad in the past.... and I know it's going to get steadily worse as I get older. My hair has gone totally gray, my teeth ache most of the time, but I have no dental plan. My fibromyalgia sucks!
But still I'm HAPPY. I've never been one to want the big house and tons of money.... I'm happy in my little home, and just making it by each month is a triumph!
So, I can't buy things I want to buy, and sometimes I run really short on food, and sometimes I get envious of people with nice clothing, and stuff..... but I'm still HAPPY!
I couldn't ask for more in my life..... (well, extra money would be nice... but that's not gonna happen. Giggle)
It's the peace, the quiet, the fact that I've gotten where I want to be, and while to most people it may seem inadequate... I LOVE IT!
I'm down the shore. (yes, my freaking sister says 8 miles away from the water is NOT down the shore.... but to me It's perfect)
I have a small house, easy to take care of, I have almost enough money to pay my bills each month, I've got my small garden (again, easy to take care of) I've got friends and family (though my family isn't much to talk about.... they are selfish, and vain, and not really family... my friends are more of a family then they are)
I've got my books to read, my telly to watch.
But most of all I have comfort. The knowledge that I made the right decision years ago, and it's taken me on the path to love, children, comfort.... that's good enough for me any day of the week. Problems come and go, depression does the same, but in between.... I'M HAPPY!
Maybe it's because I don't have grand expectations.... a good book to read is like buying a million dollar home to me. A few hours working in the garden is like going to one of the most expensive restaurants in the city. And sitting on the couch, stroking my cat, is like wearing a mink coat!
When you know your where your supposed to be, peace comes naturally.
Friday, August 01, 2008
Posted by Judith at 4:31 AM