Understanding

I was talking to Barb today, about being so depressed about shore leave, and not going... and she really understood it!

Like she said, it's the one thing that I do for myself.

The one time I spend money, time, and more, on just myself! Not the kids, not the house, not the car, not the boy, nothing, just for me.

And I've been doing it, once a year, for 30 years!!! (besides the 2 times I've missed because of money... this will make 3 times)

I've spent my life doing for EVERYONE!

Doing with out because I had other responsibility's to attend too.

But, each year, I took some of that money, and let go of some of that responsibility and went to Shore Leave. And some how that's kept me going for years.

Even though my sister tried to ruin it for me, I still went and enjoyed it. So, I don't feel so bad about being depressed about missing it. I should be depressed. It's the one thing I do for myself,totally and absolutely selfishly, and I can't even do that anymore!

And I know why most people don't understand that, especially if they have never had kids, and never had so much responsibility! I'm envious of them, and I feel bad for them at the same time. LOL fucked up, isn't it?

Well, I'm gonna let myself feel depressed and bad.... and I'm NOT going to cancel the room till the last moments... but I know I'm not going and it doesn't feel good at all!