Saturday, February 25, 2006

You know

I was watching the TV commercial for a now movie called Minotaur. Just out of the corner of my eyes while I was doing something else. Flashing on the screens was black leather, beautiful women, and total Evil. And just then I found myself thinking... I miss that!!!!

Now, I've been Polly Homemaker for over 30 yrs now, wife, mother, now grandmother. My old days before I decided to get married and have kids, are long gone.

Matter a fact when a good friend of me asked me about my life before I got married, I really glossed over what I did, I couldn't even go into detail. I was so ashamed that I couldn't open up to her, I know she would have appreciated it.

Now, after all these years, if it's not declassified yet, who cares? You know what I mean? Like who in the freeking world should care about my past anymore? I'm not going to be called up to work again.... I'm a grandmother for goddess sake! And any classified material has to be so outdated, that well, it's just outdated! Why shouldn't I tell my story??? Instead, I mumbled and inundated, but could come straight out and tell all.

I MISS THE EVIL WITHIN ME!!! There, I fucking said it!!!! I miss the women I once was!!! True, it was for the good of all, and for the safety of the US and so on..... But what I was and did, I relished! I did it for god and country, but because it felt good too. (mainly because it felt good!) Giggle

I made the decision that I wanted to get married, have kids and become Polly Homemaker. I thought it over, and mulled it, and anguished over it.... And then I became her. Not that the years have been bad, because they haven't. I needed that stability in my life, my kids... I could have done without the Hubby, but hay, he was nessary back then. Women didn't just have kids alone. Now, WOW, if I had it to do over again.... I would have gone alone.

I miss the Evil deeds and doings, the raw sex, and self satisfaction, the danger and mystery, I really do!!!! I want to be that women again!