Thursday, June 12, 2008

Friendships and mistakes

I called my sister yesterday, and she couldn't really talk since she had her friend Karen over for the week..... cool

But it got me thinking and thinking.... Karen used to be MY friend.

When I moved to PA the first time, I made a ton of friends, and I have to admit Karen was the best of them... she was so cute, and funny, but I loved them all. We had so much fun....

Then my hubby died.

And I had to move back to NJ.

Yes, I was severely distressed, even though the marriage wasn't the best, I was married for 21 years. And even though my husband was a super rotten husband, he was still my best friend.

But even after I move to NJ, my friends in Pa still came down.... but things changed when I started INVITING my sister along with us. It was so funny, because even her best friend of years and years, Joyce, begged me not to invite her along!!!

Yes, I did use the word INVITED in caps, because I NEVER actually INVITED her to join me and my fiends. I just invited her along one time when we were getting together..... and she preceded to take over.

Now, you have to understand one thing, my fiends HATED her! I'm not joking!

Every time we planned a trip to New Hope, or somewhere else they BEGGED me not to invite her. They BEGGED ME! But, she was my sister, and I had to invite her, I liked her, and she was my sister.

My friends stopped coming down to NJ because of her. They knew she would be at every thing that I planned, and they just couldn't stand her. But I stood by my sister. DUHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! What a giant asshole I was!!!

When my sis and I had the big fight about the holidays...... I wanted to keep the holidays like they were, one at my house, then at hers and then at mine..... SHARING THEM.

After all I had kids and grandkids, and she never even married........ but she wasn't satisfied with that..... she wanted them ALL AT HER HOUSE.

That didn't work with my kids. And the straw that broke the camels back, and caused the fight. I asked her to switch holidays with me. I was getting ready to move, Jamie my daughter was 8 months pregnant, and driving up to her house at the shore in NJ from PA where we lived, would have been almost impossible....... But she wouldn't even consider it!!!!! NADA, NOTHING, JUST PLAIN NO!

That did it for me, but in a way I fell right into her trap.... since now she does all the holidays herself.... JUST WHAT SHE WANTED!

But I digress. She wanted my friends to be her friends sooooo much. But they didn't like her, and that didn't stop her. So during the fight, she made her move.... she joined the club in PA!!! Yes the one that all my friends were in!

Now she lives in NJ.... so why join a club in PA? Simple, all my friends were there, and she had to have them.

Now I have no idea what she poisoned them with while I was not talking to her, what she said or didn't I have no idea.... but now they are HER friends! And they rarely even say hi to me..... that's why I'm sure she said stuff to them, and instead of calling me and asking me about it, they believed her!

So maybe they weren't the best friends after all. If they could believe someone they hated, instead of me, their friend..... well I guess it wasn't that big of a loss anyway.

Now when I moved down the shore, I started hanging with Mary. My best friend, but it's not because people didn't like her. All the people I hung with at the convention..... STAYED AWAY, And it wasn't because of Mary herself, people liked her, but it was her FRIENDS, like Kenny, and the rest that scared them away,when they saw me sitting with her. They just didn't want to get involved.

So I went from sitting at the convention with 50 people at my table, to just sitting with her and her friends. We had a great time, and I didn't even care! I just wish some of them would have taken the time to get to know her instead of taking her at face value.

But it makes me wonder about friendship, and sistership. I know Eileen's a rotten sister. She was never there for me, or my kids.... except when she could use us, yet I still try to keep close to her....... and as for her, she's just the same selfish person she always was.... she never changes.

My friends came up last year for a weekend.... I invited her....... we go the New Hope... I invited her to go along..... yet, my old friend is visiting her for the week.... and am I invited down to go somewhere with them???? Nope, not a chance!

So the invites STOP! Next time I have a party, NOT inviting her, next year at shore leave, NOT sharing a table with her. I'll stay friendly, but I'm not letting her move in on my fiends again!

I'll keep it like she keeps it, separate. Her friends are hers and mine are mine, and I'll never try to include her again.

Sometimes it takes me a while to get things. I think someone told me once that I was too trusting.... and maybe that's it. I hate to lose the trust, but you gotta grow up sometime, don't you?